


The Glee Groupchat

by TheBiggestBlamShipper



Category: Glee
Genre: Aliens, Chatting & Messaging, F/F, F/M, Gen, Klaine are divorced, M/M, Most of us are probably high irl, Sick Character, Weed, also there isnt really a death, but - Freeform, he fixes it tho, jk, mason and santana are gonna kill sam, something happens to Sams keyboard, there is, there isnt
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2021-02-26
Updated: 2021-03-10
Packaged: 2021-03-17 12:27:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 16,706
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29717151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBiggestBlamShipper/pseuds/TheBiggestBlamShipper
Summary: This takes place after season 6, like right after it
Relationships: Blaine Anderson/Kurt Hummel (mentioned), Blaine Anderson/Sam Evans, Blaine Anderson/Some Dalton Boys (mentioned), Mike Chang/Tina Cohen-Chang, Quinn Fabgay/A Lot Of People, Rachel Berry/Noah Puckerman, Sam Evans/Sebastian Smythe (One-Sided), Santana Lopez/Brittany S. Pierce, Sue Sylvester/Sue Sylvester
Comments: 6
Kudos: 9





	1. The Groupchat Has Been Made

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so me and some friends all decided "hey let's make a chatfic together, but let's roleplay it instead" and we were all like "yeah! That sounds fun" so here  
> Another thing: This is all done on discord and some of us play more than one character  
> https://www.fanfiction.net/s/13828418/1/The-Glee-Groupchat  
> is another place you can find it

[trouty] Wat is dis?

[trouty] Helo?

[badass_male_cheerleader] i think it’s a groupchat

[BowTies] I turned off my notifications, sorry Sam, and yeah, I'm pretty sure it's a groupchat.

[trouty] Hoo maid it?

[badass_male_cheerleader] don’t know

[BowTies] Not sure

[broadwaybaby] What a lovely groupchat!

[trouty] Oh its Reyshel, hi!

[BowTies] Hey Rachel!

[broadwaybaby] Sam, it’s Rachel.

[trouty] I nou ur Reyshel

[asiangoth] Guys I can’t talk right now, I’m hanging out with Mike. I’m turning off my notifications.

[trouty] Can u send a picsure of ur b00bs?

[trouty] Hoo maid it? -> [Snixx] who* made*

[broadwaybaby] Santana’s here???

[BowTies] Why wouldn't Santana be here?

[trouty] Ow hai Sahntana!

[badass_male_cheerleader] i don’t know most of you people

[Snixx] hi

[BowTies] Yeah, who's badass_male_cheerleader?

[broadwaybaby] Guys, what should I assign for glee club this week?

[trouty] Sahntana is sow fonie

[badass_male_cheerleader] i’m mason hi everyone

[broadwaybaby] Hello Mason! Sam, I can’t understand a word you’re saying.

[broadwaybaby] Guys, what should I assign for glee club this week? ->[trouty] I am de gli clob lider

[BowTies] Nice to meet you Mason, I'm Blaine. And Rachel, don't give Sam a hard time!

[trouty] thanc u Blein

[BowTies] No problem :)

[badass_male_cheerleader] can we have a lesson on opposites like you assign a theme and we have to sing a song the opposite of the theme?

[trouty] no, meester shu told me that ai shud assin a buty leson

[broadwaybaby] Sure Mason! I’m gonna go organize my sheet music.

[trouty] Im da lider of gli clob

badass_male_cheerleader] personally i vote rachel

[itsbrittanybitch] hi guys

[trouty] Oh some kid fixed my key board now i can type

[BowTies] Hey Brittany!

[itsbrittanybitch] what is this?

[badass_male_cheerleader] personally i vote rachel ->[trouty] U cant vote

[badass_male_cheerleader] i can sue you and consider that a hate crime mister

[trouty] why is everyone so mean to me 

[Snixx] why wouldn’t everyone be so mean to you?

[itsbrittanybitch] haha

[BowTies] I don't think they're trying to be mean Sam and Santana, don't be rude

[Snixx] oh hey britt

[itsbrittanybitch] hiii

[Snixx] shut it blaine warbler 

[trouty] Mr.Schuester said I was the glee club director so i am

[badass_male_cheerleader] well can you consider my suggestion then?

[itsbrittanybitch] who coaches the troubletones?

[badass_male_cheerleader] well can you consider my suggestion then -> [trouty] Mr. Schue is the principal and he said no

[itsbrittanybitch] who coaches the troubletones? -> [trouty] no one

[badass_male_cheerleader] so how do they compete-

[Snixx] sam.. honey what what mason said, how do they compete

[trouty] I didnt even know they were still a thing

[broadwaybaby] They don’t compete.

[trouty] u guys are confusing me, BLAINE PLS HELP

[badass_male_cheerleader] sam when i graduate i will try and take your job i like glee and would love to coach one of the clubs

[Snixx] i downloaded an app called tiktok, its like ig yall should get it

[badass_male_cheerleader] sam when i graduate i will try and take your job i like glee and would love to coach one of the club -> [trouty] that is so mean Mason 

[trouty] u guys are confusing me, BLAINE PLS HELP -> [BowTies] What is it?

[BowTies] What is it? ->[trouty] Mason is being mean and confusing me

[badass_male_cheerleader] it would be mean if i just did it i warned you so you have a year to prepare ->[trouty] i wont quit so u cant

[Snixx] what if you died

[badass_male_cheerleader] watch me

[Snixx] what if you died -> [BowTies] Don't you even dare to say that

[Snixx] auntie snixx could get you a job mason

[Snixx] what if you died -> [trouty] wut-

[BowTies] Don't worry Sam, I don't think she'll actually kill you

[Snixx] auntie snixx could get you a job mason -> [badass_male_cheerleader] really? as what?

[broadwaybaby] Sue’s next conquest was killing Sam I think.

[Snixx] did yall not get the joke..

[Snixx] dumbasses

[trouty] im scared 

[BowTies] Stop talking about killing Sam, you're making him upset

[broadwaybaby] Did you guys hear that Tina and Mike got back together?

[itsbrittanybitch] yea

[BowTies] A little late to the party for that one Rachel

[Snixx] did mike accept her proposal, you know on my wedding 

[badass_male_cheerleader] tina proposed?

[broadwaybaby] No but I think he reconsidered it and now they’re back together.

[Snixx] oh i see

[BowTies] I kinda forgot how difficult it is to keep track of the relationships here

[badass_male_cheerleader] im hopelessly alone in a beard relationship

[broadwaybaby] Right, I’m sure half of you don’t know I hooked up with Puck at Santana bad Brittany’s wedding.

[BowTies] Wait Puck??? Where did that come from???

[Snixx] this little jewish fantasy lives on, i see

[BowTies] Was this before I joined??

[broadwaybaby] We’re both too hot jews, it makes sense.

[broadwaybaby] two*

[trouty] Am i the only single one here

[Snixx] rachel... nah baby nah you aint hot

[badass_male_cheerleader] uhm i would like to politely disagree with your statement rachel

[broadwaybaby] Anyways

[trouty] Am i the only single one here -> [BowTies] You'll find someone eventually Sam

[broadwaybaby] I guess everyone hooked up at Brittany and Santana’s wedding.

[broadwaybaby] Sorry Sam.

[BowTies] You'll find someone eventually Sam -> [trouty] so I am?

[badass_male_cheerleader] rachel i’m pretty sure only you and puck hooked up

[broadwaybaby] Like I said, Tina and Mike hooked up.

[trouty] so I am? -> [BowTies] It's not an entirely bad thing, it means that you have more time to explore who you are as a person

[broadwaybaby] Anyways Blaine, how’s married life treating you.

[Snixx] oh rachel you missed out on a lot

[trouty] Klaine broke up.

[Snixx] the way i let you guys get married on my wedding and then yall divorce whew chile..

[BowTies] Should I be offended that you added a party emoji?

[trouty] no

[badass_male_cheerleader] i really liked your mash up proposal santana

[Snixx] the way i let you guys get married on my wedding and then yall divorce whew chile.. -> [BowTies] I mean you, Sue, and Brittany kind of forced us to

[broadwaybaby] Blaine and Sam should get together.

[BowTies] What-

[Snixx] and you went along with it blaine, dumbass.

[broadwaybaby] You guys are both so into each other.

[Snixx] DID SHE LIE THOUGH?

[BowTies is now offline]

[broadwaybaby] He always goes offline when I say that.

[broadwaybaby] Blaine and Sam should get together. ->[trouty] i think thats gae

[broadwaybaby] Oh sorry Sam, with all the gayness in the glee club I guess I just forgot.

[badass_male_cheerleader] that’s kinda homophobic sam-

[broadwaybaby] You guys are both so into each other. -> [trouty] only as bros

[Snixx] thats VERY homophobic sam, calling someone gay and you arent isnt a good thing to do

[badass_male_cheerleader] that’s kinda homophobic sam- ->[trouty] no, i love gay people, specially blaine

[Snixx] thats VERY homophobic sam, calling someone gay and you arent isnt a good thing to do -> [trouty] what- BLAINE PLS HELP

[badass_male_cheerleaders] can we do another billy joel lesson?

[BowTies is online]

[broadwaybaby] Ooh what about a Barbra Streisand lesson.

[BowTies] Someone said Billy Joel?

[Snixx] maybe a doja cat lesson? shes really popular but wasnt really famous when we were in mckinley, i know alot of the girls would enjoy it

[trouty] no, we are gonna do Paul Overstreet

[Asiangoth is now online]

[BowTies] Someone said Billy Joel? -> [badass_male_cheerleaders] i did

[Asiangoth] I’m home now, what’s going on guys.

[BowTies] Just discussing lessons

[BowTies] Someone said Billy Joel? -> [trouty] thank you

[trouty] I changed the lesson and now it will be billy joel

[broadwaybaby] Samuel Evans! How dare you.

[badass_male_cheerleader] don’t you dare take my idea

[BowTies] I'm gonna go offline for a bit, I'm feeling a little sick

[Snixx] k

[BowTies] I'm gonna go offline for a bit, I'm feeling a little sick -> [trouty] WHAT??

[badass_male_cheerleader] at least don’t take credit for it

[trouty] WHAT? -> [BowTies] ? I'm just going offline

[BowTies] ? I'm just going offline -> [trouty] Can i visit?

[BowTies] Of course, you always make me feel better

[trouty] ill bring treats

[Snixx] make sure to bring icing

[BowTies] Thank you Sam, you're the best

[BowTies is offline]

[Snixx] make sure to bring icing -> [trouty] why?

[badass_male_cheerleader] do you guys ever hook up

[Snixx] its a joke sam dw bout it

[badass_male_cheerleader] do you guys ever hook up -> [trouty] no, thats a little weird

[badass_male_cheerleader] can we also do a neon trees week

[Snixx] its a joke sam dw bout it -> [trouty] okie dokie

[badass_male_cheerleader] do you guys ever hook up ->[BowTies] Why would we hook up?

[trouty] i think he's saying it bc we're both hot

[BowTies] Yeah, makes sense

[broadwaybaby] I’m at this new vegan restaurant, it seems good.

[Snixx] vegan food is shit

[broadwaybaby] Pucks with me.

[broadwaybaby] I forced him here.

[broadwaybaby] I’m at this new vegan restaurant, it seems good. ->[trouty] i dont like vegan, I like eating big meat

[Snixx] are yall dating

[badass_male_cheerleader] are you sure the restaurants name isn’t puck?

[Snixx] i have a joke- im not gonna say it 

[broadwaybaby] No just friends with benefits who also go on dates and stuff.

[BowTies] I'm pretty sure Puck and Rachel are dating, they just don't realize

[trouty] i dont like vegan, I like eating big meat -> [trouty] u can ask blaine

[trouty] u can ask blaine -> [BowTies] Sam-

[trouty] what?

[badass_male_cheerleader] so is that a no on the neon trees lesson?

[broadwaybaby] Puck agrees that Sam and Blaine are totally into each other.

[trouty] what? -> [BowTies] Sam, be a bit careful with your choice of words

[BowTies] Sam, be a bit careful with your choice of words ->[trouty] But we went to that meat restaurant yesterday

[trouty] But we went to that meat restaurant yesterday -> [BowTies] I know, but some people here (Santana) might think of something else

[broadwaybaby] You guys went on a date?

[broadwaybaby] You guys went on a date? ->[trouty] ill let blaine answer bc im confused too

[BowTies] We both were hungry, so we went to a restaurant, but it wasn't a date, I wouldn't call it that

[trouty] yeah def

[Snixx] denial asf

[badass_male_cheerleader] SAM CAN WE DO THE NEON TREES WEEK OR NOT?

[badass_male_cheerleader] SAM CAN WE DO THE NEON TREES WEEK OR NOT? ->[trouty] if u shut up pls

[broadwaybaby] MASON IM THE LEADER OF THE GLEE CLUB, I SAY YES

[Snixx] denial asf -> [BowTies] We're both friends, I'm pretty sure Sam is straight as an add on to that

[broadwaybaby] Sams confused, he reminds me of Brittany.

[itsbrittanybitch] that’s mean

[BowTies] We're both friends, I'm pretty sure Sam is straight as an add on to that ->[trouty] yeah definitely

[broadwaybaby] Sams confused, he reminds me of Brittany. ->[trouty] what does that mean?

[broadwaybaby] Umm gotta go, the uh food came

[itsbrittanybitch] she’s saying that cause i get confused a lot ->[BowTies] Because they're both blondes?

[broadwaybaby is now offline]

[BowTies] Because they're both blondes? ->[trouty] thats rude

[broadwaybaby] Sams confused, he reminds me of Brittany. ->[Snixx] leave Brittany alone.

[trouty] thats rude ->[BowTies] Are you calling me rude or are you calling Rachel rude?

[broadwaybaby] I’m enraged

[BowTies] Are you calling me rude or are you calling Rachel rude? ->[trouty] both

[trouty] both -> [BowTies] Aw, I'm sorry Sammy

[broadwaybaby] Do you guys wanna go to breadstix with me and Puck tomorrow?

[BowTies] Aw, I'm sorry Sammy -> [trouty] its fine

[broadwaybaby] Do you guys wanna go to breadstix with me and Puck tomorrow? -> [badass_male_cheerleader] sure

[broadwaybaby] Do you guys wanna go to breadstix with me and Puck tomorrow? ->[BowTies] Wouldn't we be third and fourth wheels? Or more wheels than that?

[broadwaybaby] Do you guys wanna go to breadstix with me and Puck tomorrow? ->[trouty] Only if blaine comes

[BowTies] I'll go if Sam does

[broadwaybaby] You guys are both going.

[trouty] yay

[BowTies] Mkay

[badassmalecheerleader] can i come?

[broadwaybaby] Of course!

[BowTies] Hey Sam, we should watch a movie when you come over

[BowTies]Hey Sam, we should watch a movie when you come over ->[trouty] sure, what do u have in mind?

[broadwaybaby is now online]

[broadwaybaby] Sorry I forgot to turn my status back on.

[trouty] sure, what do u have in mind? -> [BowTies] I know we've watched this together so many times, but maybe A New Hope?

[BowTies] I know we've watched this together so many times, but maybe A New Hope? -> [trouty] thats my least favorite one but if u want to

[BowTies] Ooo, wait, we should just binge the movies, if you don't have other things to do of course

[trouty] I think we should watch Revenge of the sith and than do something else beside watch movies

[BowTies] We spend 75% of our time watching movies, are you feeling alright? You almost never turn down binging movies

[broadwaybaby] I know I’ll sound like Santana with all these crude comments, but you guys are totally going to hookup.

[BowTies] We spend 75% of our time watching movies, are you feeling alright? You almost never turn down binging movies ->[trouty] we should go out somewhere

[broadwaybaby] I know I’ll sound like Santana with all these crude comments, but you guys are totally going to hookup. -> [trouty] NOOOOOO

[trouty] we should go out somewhere -> [BowTies] Go out where?

[BowTies] Go out where? -> [trouty] the hospital cafeteria?

[broadwaybaby] I know I’ll sound like Santana with all these crude comments, but you guys are totally going to hookup. -> [BowTies] Why would we hook up?

[trouty] the hospital cafeteria? ->[BowTies] Why there?

[trouty] bc ur sick

[BowTies] Thank you for caring Sammy, but I don't think my illness is bad enough to go to the hospital

[BowTies] Wasn't Mason asking some questions about glee club a few minutes ago???

[BowTies] Thank you for caring Sammy, but I don't think my illness is bad enough to go to the hospital -> [trouty] i said hospital cafeteria not actual hospital

[BowTies] Wasn't Mason asking some questions about glee club a few minutes ago??? -> [trouty] no

[trouty] i said hospital cafeteria not actual hospital -> [BowTies] My point still stands

[BowTies] Anyways, I'm gonna take a nap, my head is killing me  
[BowTies is offline]

[trouty] ill be there  
[trouty is offline]


	2. Blam! Slaine!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warning! Mentions of s*xual ass*ult ahead! If this you're sensitive to this topic or you get triggered by it, please skip over!
> 
> Blaine and Sam apparently kissed? Tina is pregnant? Rachel, Quinn, and Sam come out? Sue joined the groupchat? Find out more by reading!

[trouty] Me and Blaine kissed 

[BowTies] *platonically kissed

[badass_male_cheerleader] i ship blam

[itsbrittanybitch] oh cool

[BowTies] *platonically kissed -> [trouty ]oh yeah that

[MissPeroxide] has joined the chat

[badass_male_cheerleader] i ship blam -> [trouty] who?

[BowTies] Hey Quinn!

[MissPeroxide] Hi Blaine, Sam and Britt!

[badass_male_cheerleader] blaine x sam

[MissPeroxide] You're talking about Blam?

[badass_male_cheerleader] blaine x sam -> [trouty] yeh, bro friends

[BowTies] We are very good friends

[trouty] yeh, bro friends -> [Miss Peroxide] boyfriends**

[trouty] He is a boy, and my friend

[MissPeroxide] And you are in love with each other

[BowTies] We're not in love and we're not boyfriends

[MissPeroxide] One day you two are gonna realise you're in love, date, get married, adopt kids and thank us for realising when you couldn't

[trouty] are u trying to out me

[trouty] oop i just outed myself  
[trouty is offline]

[MissPeroxide] you're like Kurt, you never came out to us, we all just knew

[BowTies] Did he just come out in a groupchat-

[badass_male_cheerleader] i think he did-

[MissPeroxide] I wanna join the fun!

[MissPeroxide] I'm a lesbian

[MissPeroxide] I came out in a groupchat too

[BowTies] Quinn, we all knew

[MissPeroxide] I knew after I hooked up with Santana at Mr Schue's failed wedding

[BowTies] I actually had no clue about Sam though, could you guys tell?

[Snixx] Ya lol

[badass_male_cheerleader] he really could’ve gone either way also i’m gay

[BowTies] I guess my gaydar is terrible when it comes to guys I like

[BowTies] WAIT  
[BowTies is offline]

[trouty is online]  
[trouty] what did i miss?

[badass_male_cheerleader] quinn’s lesbian im gay and blaine likes you

[BowTies] As a friend

[itsbrittanybitch] i’m bisexual

[trouty] Blaine likes me?

[Snixx] yes

[trouty] aww

[badass_male_cheerleader] so how’s life going

[Snixx] yes -> [BowTies] As a friend- I was talking about close friends

[trouty] oh-

[trouty] ok

[Snixx] chile anyways

[BowTies] Just because two guys kiss, does not mean they're into each other

[badass_male_cheerleader] *turns on all by myself* sam i found your song since blaines being idiotic

[itsbrittanybitch] me and santana were close freinds and we all know how that turned out

[BowTies] Just because two guys kiss, does not mean they're into each other -> trouty] at least not both of them

[badass_male_cheerleader] *turns on all by myself* sam i found your song since blaines being idiotic -> [trouty] thank you

[Snixx] blaine is in denial

[badass_male_cheerleader] *turns on all by myself* sam i found your song since blaines being idiotic -> [BowTies] I'm not being idiotic

[Snixx] blaine is in denial -> [BowTies] Of what?

[MissPeroxide] Just date Sam already Blaine

[trouty] isnt blaine ga-?

[BowTies] What could I be in denial of when I've said many times that I'm gay?

[badass_male_cheerleader] your in denial of liking sam

[Snixx] ya

[BowTies] I'm not in denial of liking Sam, what do you mean?

[Snixx] liking sam as in kissing him

[BowTies] I'm not in denial about anything

[trouty] so u do like me?

[badass_male_cheerleader] just please date already

[BowTies] I'm not in denial about anything -> [Snixx] so you do like him ??????

[trouty] he doesnt like me

[Snixx] so you do like him ?????? -> [BowTies] ..Maybe

[Snixx] okay we sorted blaines side out now stop being an attention whore blaine so sam do u like blaine?

[MissPeroxide] Pretty sure he already admitted he does

[Snixx] ohh okay

[Snixx] so hows ur love life quinn?

[MissPeroxide] I've mainly just been hooking up with random girls

[MissPeroxide] I have a super hot English Professor

[MissPeroxide] Pretty sure he already admitted he does -> [BowTies] What? When?

[trouty] ...

[trouty] he doesnt like me ->[MissPeroxide] this insinuates he does want to date you

[MissPeroxide] I have a super hot English Professor -> [Snixx] OOP

[MissPeroxide] I've mainly just been hooking up with random girls -> [itsbrittanybitch] i knew you were gay

[MissPeroxide] I have a super hot English Professor -> [BowTies] Aren't there rules against that?

[trouty] so u do like me? -> [MissPeroxide] this also insinuates

[badass_male_cheerleader] hi quinn i’m mason by the way

[BowTies] Aren't there rules against that? -> [MissPeroxide] it's not illegal though

[BowTies] That should not be your bar

[trouty] Quinn is my favorite person here

[Snixx] bitch i wrote a song about u

[BowTies] Ow, that hurt

[MissPeroxide] Thank you Sam. You made a great beard in junior year

[badass_male_cheerleader] i’m my own favorite person

[itsbrittanybitch] trouty mouth the song slaps

[MissPeroxide] Thank you Sam. You made a great beard in junior year ->[trouty] you too  
[trouty is offline]

[itsbrittanybitch] trouty mouth the song slaps -> [Snixx] thank u babe

[itsbrittanybitch] is everyone in this gc gay

[MissPeroxide] Sam keeps casually outing himself then running away

[itbrittanybitch] yuh

[itsbrittanybitch is everyone in this gc gay] -> [MissPeroxide] Berry and Puckerman aren't

[Snixx] idk, i hope so- WAIT rachel is str8 and puck

[BowTies] Why did Sammy leave-

[MissPeroxide] he keeps doing that

[itsbrittanybitch] i walked in on puck and finn in freshman year multipule times

[trouty is online]

[Snixx] thats.. thats nice britt ?

[BowTies] There's so much going on in this groupchat

[ThunderBolton69] has joined the chat

[itsbrittanybitch] i walked in on puck and finn in freshman year multipule times -> [trouty] i might have been there- 

[MissPeroxide] So you're telling me I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend and got pregnant with his best friends baby for him to cheat on me with the same best friend that got me pregnant

[trouty is offline]

[MissPeroxide] also who let sue in here?

[MissPeroxide] So you're telling me I cheated on my boyfriend with his best friend and got pregnant with his best friends baby for him to cheat on me with the same best friend that got me pregnant -> [itsbrittanybitch] yeah pretty much, they gave me pot and said not to tell anyone

[BowTies] My head is hurting at this point

[itsbrittanybitch] i walked in on puck and finn in freshman year multipule times -> [trouty] i was there, we were just stretching for the big game

[MissPeroxide] huh. and after all of that I turned out to be a lesbian

[itsbrittanybitch] are you sure sam cause im pretty sure that you dont strech naked and on top of each other

[MissPeroxide] WOAAAH BRITT TMI

[BowTies] Do I have the most normal love life out of everyone here?

[ThunderBolton69] No one had to let me in, I hacked into your cyber security system meaning your credit score will have halved and I can easily pass judgement on each and every one of you

[itsbrittanybitch] are you sure cause im pretty sure that you dont strech naked and on top of each other -> [trouty] they told me it was the rules tho-

[MissPeroxide] Sue you have access.... to my credit card?

[itsbrittanybitch] i-

[broadwaybaby] Hello everybody!

[trouty] they told me it was the rules tho- ->[BowTies] Hey, doesn't this count as taking advantage of someone?

[itsbrittanybitch] get out rachel

[MissPeroxide] Hello Berry

[broadwaybaby] No?

[MissPeroxide] you have access.... to my credit card? -> [ThunderBolton69] Why yes Q, to prove it I'll make a transaction in your account now

[broadwaybaby] Hi Quinn.

[Snixx] thats sexual assault, are you just ignoring that, guys? Besides blaine

[trouty] Only if it wasnt in the rules

[ThunderBolton69] Why yes Q, to prove it I'll make a transaction in your account now -> [MissPeroxide] nono, Sue, that's fine.

[Snixx] thats sexual assault, are you just ignoring that, guys? Besides blaine -> [BowTies] Guys, can we focus on the fact that Puck and Finn sexually assaulted Sam?

[ThunderBolton69] *buys 2000 condoms on Quinn's account for her*

[trouty] i dont understand

[itsbrittanybitch] it wasn’t the rules they just wanted to fuck you sam

[MissPeroxide] Why has a transaction for 2000 condoms been made on my credit cards?

[broadwaybaby] This chat is concerning.

itsbrittanybitch it wasn’t the rules they just wanted to fuck you sam -> [trouty]WHAT!?!?!?

[MissPeroxide] I DON'T EVEN NEED ANY OF THESE

[MissPeroxide] HEY BLAINE

[ThunderBolton69] hehe, They are rendered entirely useless because of the fact that you are only the most flaming of homosexulas

[BowTies] ?

[broadwaybaby] Sues here now?

[BowTies] ? -> [MissPeroxide] I have loads of condoms, you can come pick them up. you'll need them for when you next see Sam

[broadwaybaby] Why is everyone talking about condoms. Can somebody answer me I'm confused

[ThunderBolton69] hehe, They are rendered entirely useless because of the fact that you are only the most flaming of homosexulas -> [MissPeroxide] That's true

[MissPeroxide] I have loads of condoms, you can come pick them up. you'll need them for when you next see Sam ->[BowTies] Huh???

[broadwaybaby] Why is everyone talking about condoms. Can somebody answer me I'm confused -> [MissPeroxide] somehow sue hacked into my credit card and bought 2000 condoms

[broadwaybaby] Oh, that seems normal for Sue.

[broadwaybaby] Can you like mail me some.

[trouty is offline]

[MissPeroxide] I'll ship them to Ohio from New Haven

[MissPeroxide] You'll need them if you're hooking up with Puckerman

[broadwaybaby] Can you like mail me some. -> [BowTies] Oh god-

[MissPeroxide] You don't wanna end up like me

[MissPeroxide] You'll need them if you're hooking up with Puckerman ->[trouty] how dare u bring him up after my recent discovery

[BowTies] Sammy, you keep going offline and online, what's going on?

[trouty] this chat scares me a little

[MissPeroxide] How do you have an accidental gay threesome

[trouty] THEY TOLD ME IT WAS PART OF THE RULES

[trouty] this chat scares me a little -> [BowTies] Yeah, me too

[MissPeroxide] WHY WOULD GAY SEX BE PART OF THE RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL

[BowTies] We should probably report them to the police

[Snixx] wouldn’t sheldon have made those rules, though?

[MissPeroxide] So you cheated on me with the two people who cheated on me with each other the year before

[MissPeroxide] WHY WOULD GAY SEX BE PART OF THE RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL ->[trouty] Idk they told me i needed to do it so i could join

[MissPeroxide] WHY WOULD GAY SEX BE PART OF THE RULES OF HIGH SCHOOL FOOTBALL -> [BowTies] Don't yell at him, he did nothing wrong

[Snixx] wouldn’t sheldon have made those rules, though? ->[trouty] did he?

[MissPeroxide] I'm not yelling at your boyfriend, calm down

[trouty] am i being victim shamed?

[itsbrittanybitch] no

[BowTies] You were typing in all caps, that's yelling

[MissPeroxide] Look, I'm just confused. I didn't mean to victim shame you Sam, since I've been in the same position

[trouty] dw

[asiangoth] hey everyone

[trouty] anyway Blaine, wanna come over?

[MissPeroxide] Heyy Tina!

[trouty] hi

[trouty] anyway Blaine, wanna come over? ->[BowTies] Sure! I would never say no to that

[BowTies] Hey Tina!

[asiangoth] This mornings been wild.

[trouty] YAY we're gonna have loads of fun

[trouty] what happened?

[asiangoth] This mornings been wild. -> [BowTies] I think everyone here can relate to that sentence

[itsbrittanybitch] hey tina

[BowTies] I think everyone here can relate to that sentence -> [MissPeroxide] Yup, Tina if you and Mike need any condoms just give me a call

[asiangoth] I got up at 2am because of a stomach virus, but then Mike got concerned I was pregnant, so I had to drive to the all night Walmart, just to get a pregnancy test, to confirm I wasn't pregnant which I already knew.

[MissPeroxide] I'm mailing you those condoms right now

[asiangoth] What condoms?

[BowTies] How many people are you sending condoms to?

[trouty] Can u send me and Blaine some?

[Matt.R joined the chat]

[asiangoth] What condoms? -> [MissPeroxide] "Fun Fruity Banana Condoms" .....

[BowTies] How many people are you sending condoms to? -> [MissPeroxide] You, Sam, Tina and Mike, Rachel and Puck

[MissPeroxide] Guys do we know someone called "Matt Rutherford"?

[BowTies] Why are you sending me condoms?

[trouty] s h u s h, just take them

[asiangoth] I don't think I know a Matt

[Matt.R] do you not remember me?

[Snixx] i do

[trouty] s h u s h, just take them -> [BowTies] Yeah, but there's already some in my bathroom, why would I need more?

[Matt.R] do you not remember me? -> [MissPeroxide] no??

[BowTies] Yeah, but there's already some in my bathroom, why would I need more?

[trouty] bc we go through a lot of them

[BowTies] Okay, good point

[broadwaybaby] THEY FINALLY ADMIT THEY'VE FUCKED!

[MissPeroxide] I KNEW IT

[trouty] NOOOOO i meant on other ppl, not eachother

[broadwaybaby] Sorry for my crude language.

[trouty] NOOOOO i meant on other ppl, not eachother -> [broadwaybaby] Keep telling yourself that.

[trouty] NOOOOO i meant on other ppl, not eachother -> [MissPeroxide] LIKE TELLING EACH OTHER WHO YOU'VE FUCKED IS ANY LESS GAY

[broadwaybaby] Keep telling yourself that. -> [trouty] its true tho

[BowTies] Isn't it obvious who we've had sex with though?

[Snixx] do you guys remember my beard relationship with karofsky

[broadwaybaby] I've had sex with plenty of people.

[trouty] same

[broadwaybaby] Of course Santana.

[BowTies] I had sex with a few guys at Dalton when I was actually enrolled there

[BowTies] Isn't it obvious who we've had sex with though? -> [MissPeroxide] yeah, each other

[BowTies] I had sex with a few guys at Dalton when I was actually enrolled there ->[trouty] Ive had sex with a warbler before

[MissPeroxide] named Blaine

[trouty] wait, arent all warblers guys-  
[trouty is offline]

[Snixx] maybe it was jane

[trouty] Ive had sex with a warbler before -> [BowTies] I know

[MissPeroxide] YEAH BECAUSE IT WAS YOU

[Snixx] do you guys remember my beard relationship with karofsky -> [itsbrittanybitch] i wanted to kill you for that

[MissPeroxide] YEAH BECAUSE IT WAS YOU -> [BowTies] I'm gonna let Sam tell you who it was, I'm not doing it for him

[trouty is online]  
[trouty] ok so, it was...

[MissPeroxide] BLAINE

[trouty] IT WAS BLAINE, BLAINE WAS MY SEXUAL AWAKENING

[BowTies] They already know, we really didn't have to tell them much

[MissPeroxide] I KNEW IT

[MissPeroxide] BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM

[BowTies] Never knew that Quinn could be such a fangirl

[Snixx] IS BLAM THE SHIP MAME

[trouty] no

[broadwaybaby] OMGGGG

[trouty] our ship name is Slaine bc it sounds more like a super hero

[broadwaybaby] No, Blam is it.

[Snixx] IS BLAM THE SHIP MAME -> [BowTies] They started saying it when Sammy and I won president and vice-president in senior year

[trouty] our ship name is Slaine bc it sounds more like a super hero -> [BowTies] Yeah, it really does

[broadwaybaby] No, Blam is it. -> [trouty] no?

[asiangoth] So maybe I am pregnant-

[Snixx] we saw it coming

[MissPeroxide] I don't know whether to say congrats or oh fuck

[BowTies] There's so much going on in this groupchat that it's actually causing my head to hurt

[trouty] werent u coming over?

[MissPeroxide] I'm going to go with congrats

[MissPeroxide] CONGRATUALTIONS TINA AND MIKE

[trouty] werent u coming over? -> [BowTies] Oh crap, yeah, I'll be there in a minute  
[BowTies is offline]

[MissPeroxide] I'm mailing you condoms

[itsbrittanybitch] congrats tina

[trouty] Congrats tina! if ur pregnant than ur boobs get bigger, can u send pics?

[asiangoth] Um, no Sam.

[trouty] why?

[MissPeroxide] are Blaine's man boobs not enough for you?

[asiangoth] I'm so confused.

[MissPeroxide] are Blaine's man boobs not enough for you? -> [trouty] he doesnt have any

[MissPeroxide] fair enough

[asiangoth] My life is overrrrrrr

[asiangoth] the third pregnancy test said positive.

[itsbrittanybitch] oof

[broadwaybaby] Tina, I'm sure its just a false positive.

[trouty] I would console u tina but im getting done rn

[asiangoth] Sam what do you mean by done?

[trouty] bLAINE IS DOING ME

[BowTies] I would be doing you better if you weren't staring at your phone

[broadwaybaby] I KNEW IT

[trouty] UGH FINE  
[trouty is offline]

[BowTies is offline]

[asiangoth] Guys what should I do, what should I tell Mike?

[itsbrittanybitch] just tell him the truth

[asiangoth] Yea but I laughed in his face when the first test wasn't positive. I've been locked in his bathroom for an hour.

[asiangoth] *was

[itsbrittanybitch] damm

[asiangoth] I'm so stressed. How could I have a child?

[itsbrittanybitch] you could put it up for adoption or abort it

[trouty is online]

[trouty] u can gift me it

[asiangoth] Yea but how would Mike feel about it

[trouty] dont tell him

[asiangoth] He'll find out, he's like an asian spy.

[trouty] than tell him that u are gifting me ur asian kid

[BowTies] Sam, I will make you pay attention

[asiangoth] Sam I wasn't saying yes to that, I was saying yes to Brittanys suggestion.

[trouty] oh : (

[asiangoth] Can you guys not talk about how Blaine is giving Sam a blowjob or whatever.

[BowTies] Sam, I will make you pay attention ->[trouty] ok

[MissPeroxide] Tina, take it from me

[MissPeroxide] the best thing to do is just be honest

[trouty] should i buy a pride flag?

[MissPeroxide] yes

[asiangoth] I'm gonna go tell Mike.

[MissPeroxide] Good luck Tina!

[asiangoth] Fuck I haft to puke again uh-

[trouty] should i buy a pride flag? -> [BowTies] Do you want to?

[trouty] i think ill get this one cuz i like the colors: shows trans flag

[MissPeroxide] Sam that's a trans flag

[Miss Peroxide] also Tina, the morning sickness will go away after about 2/3 months

[MissPeroxide] Sam that's a trans flag -> [trouty] huh?

[MissPeroxide] the different flags represent different things

[MissPeroxide] you can't just buy something because you like the colors

[trouty] so i dont just pick the prettiest color?

[BowTies] This is my flag for example: shows gay flag

[trouty] so i dont just pick the prettiest color? -> [MissPeroxide] no

[trouty] I DONT LIKE THOSE COLORS THO

[MissPeroxide] no -> [trouty] well thats a bit rude

[trouty] I DONT LIKE THOSE COLORS THO -> [BowTies] Okay, so, you like girls and boys, right? Do you think that you're like Brittany?

[trouty] maybe

[MissPeroxide] this is mine: shows lesbian flag

[itsbrittanybitch] i’m bisexual

[MissPeroxide] Santana and me have the same one

[asiangoth] I told Mike

[BowTies] There's also other labels, not just bisexual, there's also pansexual which means you're attracted to the person, not the gender

[itsbrittanybitch] this is mine: shows bisexual flag

[trouty] yeah i think thats it blaine but idk

[BowTies] You also don't need to have a label, we're not saying that you need one

[trouty] can i pick the prettiest color if i dont have a label?

[broadwaybaby] I'm bisexual

[BowTies] Not really Sam, since you almost chose the trans flag earlier and that might be confusing to some other people

[trouty] oh-

[broadwaybaby] Guys what are we doing tonight?

[BowTies] Sam

[broadwaybaby] Thats so crude. We should do something as a group.

[trouty] Can I use this one? it doesnt have colors so i guess no labels: shows “straight” flag

[BowTies] Sam, that's the "straight" flag

[trouty] will that also be confusing?

[BowTies] Extremely

[trouty] oh, i guess the community doesnt want me 

[broadwaybaby] Labels are important people judge you without one? Me, I'm opening to trying really anything. I personally know I'm bisexual because I'm attracted to man and women

[BowTies] No-one said that they don't want you, alright? Sometimes it just takes a while to figure out all of this and that's completely valid.

[trouty] okay

[broadwaybaby] Labels are important people judge you without one? Me, I'm opening to trying really anything. I personally know I'm bisexual because I'm attracted to man and   
women -> [trouty] I was gonna say u and Unique should date but shes str8 and has taste so-

[broadwaybaby] Really Sam, really?

[trouty] yeah ur ugly

[broadwaybaby] Sam I have been nothing but nice to you yet you still make fun of me like everyone else! I hope Blaine bites off your dick, because you seriously just need to learn a lesson for being mean to me. From now on I'm going crazy Berry on you.  
[broadwaybaby is now offline]


	3. O h  n o

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kurt joined the chat? Puck joined as well? Breadstix date? We learn Quinn's body count? Puck comes out?  
> Not the most Kurt friendly

[asiangoth] hello

[asiangoth] I'm not pregnanttttt

[BowTies] Should I be congratulating you or should I be feeling sorry?

[asiangoth] I didn't want a child so congratulate me.

[asiangoth] mike seems sad though

[asiangoth] I feel bad because he seemed really happy when I told him, just to find out I really did just have the stomach flu

[trouty] Can u cum over

[trouty] * come

[asiangoth] Who?

[trouty] blaine obvi

[Puckasaurus] i heard that you learned how many balls you can fit in your mouth

[trouty] apparently way more the 3 pairs

[BowTies] Should I ask?

[trouty] no

[broadwaybaby] Hi Puck

[MissPeroxide] is online

[broadwaybaby] Hello Quinn

[MissPeroxide] hi Rachel, Blam, Puck, oh Non-Pregnant Tina

[BowTies] Why are you calling us Blam?

[MissPeroxide] why not?

[BowTies] Hey Quinn, I just realized something, have you and Rachel ever slept together?

[MissPeroxide] yeah why? what did you realise?

[broadwaybaby] QUINN-

[BowTies] Oh, I didn't realize anything, I just wanted to see if you guys actually did, I just kind of got this vibe that you guys did

[MissPeroxide] come on Rachel, it's not that big of a deal- and Blaine just said he could tell anyways

[BowTies] Yeah, if I'm able to guess, anyone can

[MissPeroxide] pretty sure I slept with every girl in that club

[broadwaybaby] Um what

[asianspy has joined the chat]

[Puckasaurus] damn, quinn managed to get with more girls than me

[MissPeroxide] Yeah- Santana, Britt, Rachel, Tina, I only made out with Mercedes because she wanted to stay celibate

[asianspy] Wait what.. even Tina?

[MissPeroxide] Yeah even Tina? I even made out with Sugar once

[MissPeroxide] also hello Mike

[BowTies] Wasn't Sugar that rich girl who's dad was probably a mobster?

[MissPeroxide] Yeah, she was hot though- despite her lack of talent

[BowTies] Is everyone in this groupchat gay? Except for Puck of course

[asiangoth] Mike I-

[MissPeroxide] Oops, Sorry not sorry Tina

[asianspy] I'm watching you Fabray

[BowTies] Is everyone in this groupchat gay? Except for Puck of course -> [Puckasaurus] remove the except for puck, dude

[MissPeroxide] watch me all you want Mike, I know I'm hot

[asianspy] depressed noises

[MissPeroxide] You weren't dating, it was a few weeks before Britt and Santana's wedding

[BowTies] Did Puck just come out over the groupchat?

[MissPeroxide] Why are you so surprised, that's the third time it's happened

[broadwaybaby] I already knew about it to be faifr

[broadwaybaby] *fair

[MissPeroxide] Why are you so surprised, that's the third time it's happened -> [BowTies] I wasn't expecting it to be three times though

[MissPeroxide] Honestly, I thought it was common knowledge that I got the most pussy in Glee Club

[BowTies] Have I technically gotten more women than Kurt since I kissed Rachel that one time?

[asiangoth] Mike just got in the car and left, thanks a lot Quinn!

[asiangoth is now offline]

[asianspy is now online]

[MissPeroxide] Mike, I think you're overreacting

[asianspy] I'm upset

[MissPeroxide] I had sex with your girlfriend what- 6 months ago when you weren't even dating

[MissPeroxide] I had sex with Puck once, does Rachel hate me?

[asianspy] I just found all of this out after I found out we're not having a child, it has been a hard day and I just wanna drive.

[broadwaybaby] No mainly because I also slept with you Quinn

[Puckasaurus] quinn really went from sleeping with a few guys to sleeping with all the women, i have tons of respect for her

[MissPeroxide] Thank you Puck

[MissPeroxide] did I just-

[asianspy] Shit Tina found me

[asianspy is now offline]

[MissPeroxide] Did I just thank Puck?

[BowTies] I think you just did

[MissPeroxide] Never thought I would do that

[broadwaybaby] Me neither.

[Puckasaurus] rach, youve thanked me for a lot of things

[MissPeroxide] Seriously Rachel? I'm disappointed yet not surprised

[BowTies] Can I borrow an ice pack from anybody? I just walked into a glass door

[broadwaybaby] I'll bring over my entire first aid kit.

[broadwaybaby] I'll be there in 30 minutes

[BowTies]I only need an ice pack- I don't need a first aid kit

[broadwaybaby] Nonsense, glass is deadily.

[BowTies] It's just a bruise, it's fine, I just need one thing

[BowTies] Is everyone in this groupchat gay? Except for Puck of course -> trouty] not me

[BowTies] Have I technically gotten more women than Kurt since I kissed Rachel that one time? -> [trouty]Kurt got Britt and Mercedes

[trouty]Kurt got Britt and Mercedes -> [BowTies] I'm going to assume that happened when I wasn't in the club

[trouty] i wasnt either yet i found out

[BowTies] For someone that's extremely gossipy, he really didn't tell me much

[trouty] funny?

[trouty] Imagine if me and blaine ever dated

[trouty] PFTTTT NEVER, right?

[Puckasaurus] aren't you two already dating? And fucking?

[badass_male_cheerleader] who are you?

[Puckasaurus] who are you?

[MissPeroxide] Yeah- Santana, Britt, Rachel, Tina, I only made out with Mercedes because she wanted to stay celibate -> [itsbrittanybitch] didnt me, you, and santana have a 3 way in new york after nationals

[MissPeroxide] yeah, but I'm not sure here's the place to disclose that information

[Puckasaurus] aren't you two already dating? And fucking? -> [trouty] no?

[badass_male_cheerleader] who are you? -> [MissPeroxide] That's Noah Puckerman and we'd all be better off without him

[MissPeroxide] Me especially

[Puckasaurus] aren't you two already dating? And fucking? -> [BowTies] Nope

[alphagay has joined]

[Puckasaurus] you two definitely fucked though, rach told me

[trouty] yeah we do it all the time, in fact its hes doing me right now

[BowTies] It doesn't mean we're dating though

[trouty] yeah what he said

[broadwaybaby] You're 100% dating.

[trouty] no

[BowTies] We're just good friends who occasionally sleep together

[trouty] not ocasionally

[trouty] its more like, EVERY DAY

[BowTies] We're still good friends, nothing more

[trouty] friends with benefits if u will

[BowTies] Exactly

[trouty] i never thought i would be a bottom to THE blaine anderson

[Puckasaurus] damn, blaine is on the top, never would have expected that

[trouty] me neither

[BowTies] I'm full of surprises

[trouty] oh also, puck...

[trouty] I have been informed that having a 3some with u and finn wasnt part of the football rules...

[Puckasaurus is offline]

[trouty] uh ok

[asiangoth] ME AND MIKE ARE GETTING MARRIED

[asianspy] ^^^^

[trouty] wedding b00b pics?

[BowTies] Congratulations you two!

[asianspy] Sam you know i can beat you up.

[trouty] why tho?

[asianspy] She's my future wife, she's not sending you boob pictures

[trouty] ok sorry bro

[asiangoth] I mean-

[asianspy] Sam you know i can beat you up. -> [BowTies] I was in the Dalton Fight Club, so you should think twice before threatening to hurt him

[asianspy] TINA

[trouty] ?

[BowTies] I was in the Dalton Fight Club, so you should think twice before threatening to hurt him -> [trouty] awww thank you bae

[asianspy] Blaine bros don't ask future wives to send boob pictures

[trouty] awww thank you bae -> [BowTies] No problem :D

[trouty] (Blaine is it ok if i play the gay card rin?)

[trouty] (*rn)

[broadwaybaby] I give my congratulations to Mike and Tina

[broadwaybaby] I just hope I can be the maid of honor.

[trouty] (Blaine is it ok if i play the gay card rin?) -> [BowTies] (I have no clue, go for it if you want to)

[asianspy] Blaine bros don't ask future wives to send boob pictures -> [trouty] I can ask for b00b pics bc im gay

[asianspy] That doesn't work when I know your also attracted to girls

[trouty] who says im attracted to girls 

[asianspy] If you're not attracted to girls then why do you want pictures of Tina's boobs?

[trouty] i- i want to see how big her boobs are for when i go bra shopping?

[asianspy] Sam why would you go bra shopping?

[trouty] bc im gay?

[asianspy] Why would you go bra shopping if you're gay?

[trouty] (Blaine pls help)

[asianspy is now offline]

[BowTies] (So that way you can go shopping with your girl friends)

[broadwaybaby] Anyways, I have at least 30 wedding booklets from when I was planning me and Noahs future wedding for whenever he proposes.

[trouty] (a little too late but thanks)

[BowTies] (No problem, anything for you)

[asiangoth] sorry about mike going offline, we were just having sex

[trouty] (anything ?)

[asiangoth] sorry about mike going offline, we were just having sex -> [trouty] soooo, about those b00b pics?

[asiangoth] Sorry its a no, they're reserved for Mike

[trouty] (anything ?) -> [BowTies] (What are you implying?)

[Puckasaurus] they know we can see what theyre typing, right

[asiangoth] Oh I'm sure

[BowTies] (What are you implying?) -> [trouty] (i think puck is on to us)

[BowTies] (Crap, how do we get him off our trail?)

[broadwaybaby] (I can help with that)

[broadwaybaby] Noah do you wanna come over ;)

[trouty](i think rachel is psychic)

[Puckasaurus] sure rach, ill be there in 10

[trouty](i think rachel is psychic) -> [BowTies] (I think so too)

[trouty] me and Blaine need more, we ran out of the other ones in one day

[broadwaybaby] Are you guys dating?

[BowTies] Nope

[trouty] no, we just fuck everyday

[broadwaybaby] Same with me and Noah

[trouty] u said u were dating tho-

[broadwaybaby] Shut it I need to fit in here

[broadwaybaby] Anyways I think I just heard Pucks car. Time to get him off your case ;)

[broadwaybaby is now offline]

[asiangoth] Sam, i'll cut you a deal.

[trouty] I feel bad for puck, Rachel has a really big dick

[trouty] im listening

[asiangoth] As long as you stop asking, I'll send you two very wanky boob pics

[trouty] YAY

[asiangoth] but if you ask for more ill tell mike and others to beat you up

[trouty] Ok thanks

[trouty] (b00bs are the only reason i dont date blaine, he doesnt have any)

[asiangoth] *sends sam wanky boob pics in dms*

[trouty] *saves*

[asiangoth] but if you ask for more ill tell mike and others to beat you up -> [BowTies] Am I allowed to punch them if they do beat him up?

[asiangoth] No, otherwise i'll shove vapo rub where i should not be shoved.

[asiangoth] *it

[BowTies] Oh yeah, the vapocream incident

[asiangoth] yes

[asiangoth] who should be my maid of honor guys

[trouty] OH when u rubbed ointment all over his chest, like u did to sick mr schue

[asiangoth] I never did that to mr.schue

[trouty] yes u did

[asiangoth] no i didnt

[asianspy] Who should my best man be?

[trouty] me

[asianspy] Maybe if you hadn't asked for boob pics.

[asianspy] Maybe I should ask Matt..

[Matt.R] someone finally remembered me

[trouty] who

[asianspy] Matt do you wanna be my best man?

[Matt.R] yes

[asianspy] Nice.

[BowTies] Wait, I just realized, Kurt joined the groupchat

[broadwaybaby is now online]

[broadwaybaby] He did?

[BowTies] Scroll up

[broadwaybaby] Why did you guys divorce?

[BowTies] I don't want to talk about it

[broadwaybaby] Oh, I guess thats fine then.

[broadwaybaby] Hey guys are you still going to breadstix with me and Puck?

[BowTies] Only if Sam is still going

[broadwaybaby] I think he is, anyways we're heading out now

[broadwaybaby] Meet us in like 20

[broadwaybaby is now offline]

[BowTies] Only if Sam is still going -> [trouty] ofc bae

[broadwaybaby is now online]

[broadwaybaby] I forgot to tell you, Tina and Mike are also going

[Puckasaurus] did he just call him bae

[trouty] yeah why?

[broadwaybaby] Does that mean you guys are dating?

[broadwaybaby] I forgot to tell you, Tina and Mike are also going -> [trouty] oh, than im not going

[trouty] yeah why? -> [Puckasaurus] you guys are totally dating

[trouty] no

[broadwaybaby] Does that mean you guys are dating? -> [trouty] NO

[trouty] oh, than im not going -> [broadwaybaby] Do you have something against Tina and Mike?

[trouty] oh, than im not going -> [BowTies] Well, I'm not going then

[broadwaybaby] Do you have something against Tina and Mike? -> [trouty] Mike scares me

[BowTies] For the last time: Sam and I aren't dating

[broadwaybaby] I promise that Puck will protect you from Mike, right Puck?

[Puckasaurus] yep

[trouty] didnt he-

[trouty] ok sure

[broadwaybaby] So that settles it, Tike, Blam, and Puckleberry are going to breadstix!

[trouty is offline] 

[BowTies is offline]

[alphagay] did i miss my invitation?

[broadwaybaby] Kurt it would be a bit awkward for you to come..

[alphagay] no

[alphagay] i wanna break u and puck up

[broadwaybaby] Then you're definitely not coming.

[alphagay] Puckurt WILL happen

[broadwaybaby] I can't even

[broadwaybaby is now offline and ignoring Kurt]

[alphagay] Puck?

[Puckasaurus is offline]

[alphagay] Oop he probably went offline to see the butt pics i sent him

[broadwaybaby is now online and still ignoring Kurt]

[BowTies is online]

[broadwaybaby] Okay why did Kurt show up at Breadstix?

[BowTies] I don't know and I don't want to know

[broadwaybaby] He's being really flirty to Puck, like I know he said he would, but I'm actually concerned that Kurt is gonna rape or something

[broadwaybaby] him*

[BowTies] I'm about to swear, so get your cameras out: He's so fucking annoying

[broadwaybaby] Right? He just won't leave even though Noah looks like he's gonna punch his eye out

[Puckasaurus] i actually might punch him at this point

[broadwaybaby] Please do so, I'm very willing to do anything if you do.

[Puckasaurus] on it

[broadwaybaby] I'm gonna walk out of the bathroom just so I can see this.

[broadwaybaby] Excuse my crude language, but holy shit

[Snixx] what the fuck did i walk in on

[BowTies] Let's take a moment to appreciate the fact that Puck just punched Kurt in the face

[broadwaybaby] He's getting lucky if I have anything to say about it.

[Puckasaurus] is his face actually made out of porcelain??????? because his face hurt like fucking hell

[broadwaybaby] Noah, I can nurse your hand to health when we get to your place, I'll even put on my nurse costume.

[Puckasaurus] definitely worth it now

[Snixx] why did he punch kurt??? tf

[broadwaybaby] Kurt was all over him

[Puckasaurus] hes not even my type for guys

[broadwaybaby] Should I send a signal for Tina and Mike to get online?

[broadwaybaby] Screw it I haft too.

[asiangoth] Getting Mike on now

[asiangoth] Nevermind, he can look off of my phone.

[BowTies] I read that as "Getting on Mike now" and I was very confused-

[asiangoth] I'd be confused too as we are sitting at the same table LOL

[asiangoth] Hey guys I think Kurts like knocked out.

[BowTies] Good

[Snixx] can i laugh .. 

[asiangoth] Duh

[Snixx] Kay cuz i already am

[asiangoth] We should let Kurt wake up in like the womans room or something

[BowTies] I will say this once and only once, but Puck turned me on a bit when he punched Kurt

[broadwaybaby] Same

[broadwaybaby] Anyways do you guys wanna just like leave Kurt here?


	4. Too Many Robberies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rory joins the chat? Rachel tries robbing people? A couple gets together? A couple gets put at risk?   
> Read ahead for your answers!

[asianspy] Hey

[Rory_leprechaun] hello

[Rory_leprechaun] what is this?

[MissPeroxide] is online

[MissPeroxide] Oh hey Rory

[broadwaybaby] Rory, its a groupchat.

[BowTies] Does anyone else casually fall out windows?

[itsbrittanybitch] yea

[BowTies] This was a joke. I do not fall out windows all the time. I only did that once

[itsbrittanybitch] oh it’s happens to me a lot

[MissPeroxide] BLAINE DID YOU FALL OUT OF A WINDOW

[MissPeroxide] ARE YOU OKAY

[BowTies] I'm fine, I was trying to sit on the window since it's comfy

[badass_male_cheerleader] blaine how did you not die falling out your window

[BowTies] I was on the first floor

[broadwaybaby] Blaine I'm coming over with my first aid kit.

[broadwaybaby] I won't wear my nurse costume though.

[BowTies] Guys, I'm fine, it was on the first floor

[broadwaybaby] You still fell, you could have brain damage!

[badass_male_cheerleader has changed name to karaoke_champ]

[BowTies] I landed on a pile of leaves, I am fine

[broadwaybaby] Leaves have bugs, you could have an infection

[broadwaybaby] I'm driving over

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[BowTies] Rachel, no-

[karaoke_champ] were there bugs in the leaves blaine?

[BowTies] I don't know, I'm up and drinking some coffee at the moment

[asiangoth] Hi everyone

[asiangoth] Nothing interesting happened today.

[BowTies] Discovered that sitting on fridges is pretty fun

like 2 hours later..

[broadwaybaby is online]

[MissPeroxide] oh hey rachel

[broadwaybaby] Hi Quinn

[broadwaybaby] Who are you doing today?

[broadwaybaby] Anyways, I just got home from Noahs.

[broadwaybaby] How is everyone?

[BowTies] Unable to get down from a fridge

[broadwaybaby] Are you still stuck?

[broadwaybaby] Who are you doing today? -> [MissPeroxide] My super hot English professor for extra credit

[broadwaybaby] I was joking-

[broadwaybaby] Are you still stuck? -> [BowTies] Yes

[broadwaybaby] I can tell Sam to help you down.

[BowTies] Yeah, he's probably the tallest person in this groupchat

[broadwaybaby] I can't get a hold of him, if you want I can tell Noah to come over?

[Puckasaurus] omw

[Puckasaurus is offline]

[broadwaybaby] See I've gotten it covered.

like 4 hours later..

[broadwaybaby] Tonights been so boring I'd do anything just to kill time.

[broadwaybaby] And I mean anything

[asiangoth] Rachel, we all know what you want

[Puckasaurus] ill be there in a minute

[broadwaybaby] Let me get my handcuffs out

[broadwaybaby is now offline]

[Puckasaurus is now offline]

[asiangoth] Rachel? has handcuffs?

[Snixx] Wanky.

[asiangoth] oooh thats a wanky

[BowTies] Hey Santana, when did you start saying wanky and why?

[Snixx] idk dont interrogate me

[BowTies] I was just asking-

[asiangoth] Yea now I'm curious

[Snixx] shut up ive got places to go, people to scissor.

Snixx has appeared offline.

[asiangoth] Santana, I think thats worthy of a wanky

[BowTies] Well, I've got to go, I have people to ride. By people, I mean Sam

[BowTies is offline]

[asiangoth] I should probably ride Mike or something, everythings been dry since the day we decided to get married.

[asiangoth] Also I need to decide a bridesmaid

[asiangoth] Quinn, whenever you see this, will you be my maid of honor

[broadwaybaby is online]

[broadwaybaby] well that was fun

[Rory_leprechaun] you guys talk wayyyy to much, I was asleep and got like 20001938382)63 messages!

[BowTies] This is one of the quiet days

[BowTies deleted a message]

[BowTies] Waitwrongchatignorethat

[Puckasaurus] no way in hell im ignoring that you typed that

[asiangoth] Quinn, whenever you see this, will you be my maid of honor -> [MissPeroxide] Of course Tina!!

[MissPeroxide] Sorry for the late response, my english professor just left

[MissPeroxide] I'm joking, it was this girl I met at the lesbian bar

[trouty] Hey guys, im back

[trouty] I kinda got lost in the woods after going tree hugging

[BowTies] Are you okay?

[itsbrittanybitch] cool

[BowTies] Are you okay? -> [trouty] yeah, i didnt eat for 2 days and i didnt have u so i fucked a tree

[broadwaybaby] You had sex with a tree?

[itsbrittanybitch] i fucked a tree once

[BowTies] Is it possible to have sex with a tree?

[trouty] eh i didn't actually fuck the tree, i think it fucked me...

[BowTies] Is it possible to have sex with a tree? -> [trouty] yes?

[BowTies] I'm not going to ask anymore questions about that, do you want me to come over?

[trouty] why?

[trouty] OHHHH

[trouty] yes

[BowTies] I actually didn't mean it in that way, but if you want to

[trouty] What way? I just wanna watch empire strikes back....

[BowTies] Nevermind what I said, I'll be there in a moment

[BowTies is offline]

[broadwaybaby] Is everyone in this gc sexually active?

[trouty] yes

[MissPeroxide] yup

[BowTies] Yep

[MissPeroxide] why are you suprised Rachel?

[BowTies] Yep -> [trouty] ur cheating on me!??!!?

[BowTies] Sam, we're not even dating, I can't cheat on you. You also answered with yes

[trouty] oh right, I forgot

[trouty] sorry

[BowTies] It's fine Sammy :)

[MissPeroxide] why are you suprised Rachel? -> [broadwaybaby] Nope Quinn, just curious

[trouty] what about you rachel?

[broadwaybaby] I'm with Noah, so obviously I am.

[Puckasaurus] ^^^

[broadwaybaby] Anyways, what is everyone up to on this fine afternoon.

[asiangoth] Planning a wedding

[trouty] Waiting on Blaine

[BowTies] I'm already there though-

[trouty] WHERE?!?!!?

[trouty] ARE U ROBBING ME?!?!!

[broadwaybaby] Sam, I doubt he's robbing you.

[trouty] how did he get in then??!?!

[BowTies] You gave me your key a while back, remember?

[broadwaybaby] Noah can I come over?

[BowTies] You gave me your key a while back, remember? -> [trouty] Oh yeah...

[Puckasaurus] sure Rach

[asianspy is online]

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[alphagay] Guys, I dont remember anything... Its like a chapter of my life is missing

[asianspy] Sam because of your effort to try and see Tina's boobs.. even if i didn't want you to she insists you be a bridesman.

[asianspy] Where'd you wake up?

[trouty] YAY

[alphagay] a bathroom

[asianspy] Did it happen to be in the breadstix?

[trouty] Mike, what is a bridesman?

[asianspy] Like a bridesmaid, for.. Men

[trouty] yeah what is that?

[asianspy] Did it happen to be in the breadstix? -> [alphagay] yeah...

[asianspy] Makes sense.

[asianspy] Anyways Kurt, I totally don't know what happened.

[alphagay] yeah me neither, again, Its as if i wast here

[broadwaybaby] Anyways, what is everyone up to on this fine afternoon. -> [MissPeroxide] screwing hot college girls

[broadwaybaby] Quinn, why are you always screwing people.

[MissPeroxide] Rachel, why are you always screwing Puck

[trouty] Bc shes hot

[MissPeroxide] thank you Sam

[broadwaybaby] Of course, I'm always screwing Noah. His bad boy image turns me on.

[trouty] I dont like rachel

[trouty] Blaine, u never told me where in my house u are

[broadwaybaby] Sam, I will rob you, right after I get to Noahs house.

[trouty] WHAT?!?!?

[trouty] WHY?!??!?

[broadwaybaby] You're being mean.

[trouty] NOOOOO

[trouty] Im sorry rach

[BowTies] I'm at the front hallway

[broadwaybaby] Sorry doesn't cut it Sam, I'll be seeing you later

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[trouty] BLAINE GET TO MY ROOM NOW PLSSSS

[trouty] RACHEL WANT TO KILL ME OR SOMETHING

[asiangoth] Blaine, how do you feel about being a bridesmaid.

[BowTies] I'LL BE THERE IN A MOMENT SAMMY

[BowTies is offline]

[asiangoth] Damnit Blaine

[trouty] im so scared

[asiangoth] Rachels scary, shes a lot stronger than anyone would think

[trouty] TINA

[trouty] UR NOT MAKING THINGS BETTER

[MissPeroxide] Blaine's at Sam's house?

[BowTies] I'm always at his house

[asiangoth] Yea, apparently Rachel's gonna like rob them once shes done at Noah's

[trouty] yeh, she scares me

[trouty] but blaine is pretty strong sooo

[BowTies] Do you need some hugs Sam?

[asiangoth] Also, can you and Blaine become boyfriend and boyfriend already, you guys care about eachother, and have sex with eachother.

[trouty] he doesnt want to-

[BowTies] Do you need some hugs Sam? -> [trouty] yes pls

[asiangoth] Also, can you and Blaine become boyfriend and boyfriend already, you guys care about eachother, and have sex with eachother. -> [BowTies] I thought that Sam didn't want to-

[asiangoth] You guys both said the other person didn't want too, clearly you guys wanna be together.

[trouty].....

[BowTies] ....

[asiangoth] I'm a queen at relationships, thats why I've slept with many of the people in this gc.

[asianspy] …

[trouty] Blaine?

[BowTies] Yeah?

[trouty] can u pls put ur phone down, ur right next to me

[BowTies is offline]

[trouty is offline]

[asianspy] Why does everyone stop talking when I'm here.

[trouty is online]

[trouty] I HAVE HUGE NEWS

[BowTies is online]

[asiangoth] WHAT IS IT

[trouty] ME AND BLAINE ARE DATING

[BowTies] SAMMY AND I ARE DATING

[asiangoth] FINALLY

[broadwaybaby] I had to stop sex to check this notifcation, FINALLY

[alphagay] WHAT?!?!?!

[BowTies] I forgot that Kurt is here-

[broadwaybaby] He apparently only just woke up.

[alphagay] yeah i wasn't feeling myself

[broadwaybaby] I haft to go back to sex, Noah seems very annoyed I stopped to check the Blam messages.

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[alphagay] SINCE WHEN ARE BLAM SEEING EACH OTHER?!?!?

[trouty] i've always liked him-

[asiangoth] Like 10 minutes ago

[BowTies] I've always liked Sam

[alphagay] EVEN WHEN WE WERE MARRIED?!?!?!

[BowTies] ...Yeah

[BowTies] I've always liked Sam -> [trouty] Awww why didnt u ever tell me?

[BowTies] I always figured it was a waste of time since I thought you would never like me back, so I went for someone who actually could like me back

[broadwaybaby] I'm finished with sex.

[broadwaybaby] Now we can go on quadruple dates with Brittana, Tike, Puckleberry, Blam, and whoever Quinns having sex with.

[Puckasaurus] so Blam is finally together?

[broadwaybaby] Yea, I'm so happy

[BowTies] I always figured it was a waste of time since I thought you would never like me back, so I went for someone who actually could like me back -> [trouty] awwww u   
shouldve just said something

[broadwaybaby] Yea, I'm so happy -> [trouty] so ur not gonna robb me?

[trouty] awwww u shouldve just said something -> [BowTies] I mean I kind of did in senior year, but you said that we could still be friends. Why didn't you tell me?

[broadwaybaby] If you don't say anything else mean, I won't rob you.

[trouty] YAY thanks rach

[trouty] But Blaine u didn't really tell me, I told u that u liked me and u kinda nodded and than i thought u didn't like me bc of the pack of breath mints-

[BowTies] You didn't get any other hints whatsoever? I was not very subtle

[broadwaybaby] Guys I wanna move in with Noah, what should I do?

[trouty] do it

[Puckasaurus] just ask me

[BowTies] You didn't get any other hints whatsoever? I was not very subtle -> [trouty] nope?

[broadwaybaby] Noah can I move in with you?

[broadwaybaby] We can have sex like everday

[broadwaybaby] everyday*

[trouty] nope? -> [BowTies] Also, Sam, it wasn't a pack of breathmints. I mean I did have some in my pocket by chance, but it wasn't breathmints

[broadwaybaby] Noah can I move in with you? -> [Puckasaurus] yes you can

[asiangoth] I'm a queen at relationships, thats why I've slept with many of the people in this gc. -> [MissPeroxide] I bet I've slept with more

[BowTies] Also, Sam, it wasn't a pack of breathmints. I mean I did have some in my pocket by chance, but it wasn't breathmints -> [trouty] Oh- so u mean to tell me we could've been dating all along

[MissPeroxide] also YAY BLAM

[broadwaybaby] yayayayayayayayaya

[broadwaybaby] Todays just the best day ever!

[trouty] Oh- so u mean to tell me we could've been dating all along -> [BowTies] I thought you weren't really into me, so I just said it was

[MissPeroxide] I've slept with Sam, Finn, Puck, Tina, Rachel, Santana and Brittany

[BowTies] I thought you weren't really into me, so I just said it was -> [trouty] at least no we're together

[asiangoth] Okay so maybe you've slept with more people than me.

[MissPeroxide] Blaine, Sam everyone knew you liked each other except each other

[broadwaybaby] Quinn, I can't believe you let Noah go.

[trouty] WHAT???’

[BowTies] Really?

[broadwaybaby] Yea, it was so obvious

[BowTies] It was?

[asiangoth] But to be fair, I have slept with Sam, Mike, Rachel, Quinn, and Brittany

[BowTies] You've tried to sleep with me, but I'm gay 

[trouty] Tina and Quinn are the only women ive slept with

[BowTies] Guys, what's your body count?

[trouty] 23

[BowTies] Impressive, I slept with most of the Dalton guys that were in my year, so them + Sam, Kurt, and Eli. C

[trouty] I slept with Tina, Quinn and 21 other guys

[BowTies] I feel like Quinn has the highest body count

[asiangoth] 6, I didn't mention the gay guy I slept with.

[BowTies] Seems like Tina has the lowest body count

[asiangoth] Yea its true.

[asiangoth] Even Rachels slept with more people than me.

[BowTies] Alright, my guesses for the best body count are  
1\. Quinn  
2\. Puck  
3\. Sam and I would be tied

[asiangoth] Is anyone else curious to how Rachel and Puck began sleeping together in the first place?

[trouty] not really, theyre both jewish

[asiangoth] That can't be the only reason.

[asiangoth] I'm dedicated to figure this out now

[trouty] ok ig

[asiangoth] Someone needs to figure out how to get into Rachels message history

[trouty] i think i hooked up with a hacker guy once

[trouty] maybe he can help

[asiangoth] Call them.

[trouty] they said they have it

[asiangoth] Lets see it then.

[broadwaybaby] no

[broadwaybaby] NO

[trouty] sends image:  
[broadwaybaby] Hey Noah  
[Puckasaurus] sup rach  
[broadwaybaby] Can you pretend to date me in this other groupchat we’re in.  
[Puckasaurus] Only if i get to bone u  
[broadwaybaby] Sure

[trouty] There it is

[trouty] anything to say, rach?

[broadwaybaby] Its.. its true

[broadwaybaby] But I did fall in love with him

[broadwaybaby] And now we are really dating, as well as him "boning me"

[asiangoth] But Rachel, why?

[broadwaybaby] I'm tired of not fitting in, its like you guys are always making fun of me

[broadwaybaby] I'm so embarassed.

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[trouty] that is sooooo embarrassing for her

[broadwaybaby] Yes Sam, it is embarrassing, in fact I might rob you just for that. And Tina too.

[trouty] NOOOOO

[alphagay] ill help u rob him

[broadwaybaby] kurt your dead to me, me and noah are dating and yet you STILL CAME ONTO HIM AT BREADSTIX

[alphagay] I did?

[broadwaybaby] Yes, and thats why you woke up in a bathroom, Noah punched you for me, and we dragged you into there.

[alphagay] oh so Noah hasnt told u-

[alphagay] ok....

[broadwaybaby] Hasn't told you what>

[broadwaybaby] *?

[broadwaybaby] *me

[broadwaybaby] Sorry for my grammatical issues, I'm very stressed.

[alphagay] oh don't worry, I wouldn't like to home wreck, I kinda ship puckleberry

[broadwaybaby] Kurt tell me, I can stop by your house before robbing Sam.

[alphagay] Im sorry know but i have to tell her

[asiangoth] THAN TELL HER!

[alphagay] *noah

[alphagay] ok so

[alphagay] noah and i slept together

[broadwaybaby] When?

[alphagay] apparently the same day u guys started "dating"

[broadwaybaby] Thats not that bad.

[alphagay] and after…

[broadwaybaby] What? You mean while we were real dating?

[alphagay] yeah-

[broadwaybaby] Why do I think you're lying>

[broadwaybaby] ?*

[alphagay] U can ignore me if u want

[alphagay] idrc

[alphagay] i just wanna rob sam

[broadwaybaby] Sure rob Sam, I need to go yell at Noaj

[broadwaybaby] NOAH* GOD WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME

[broadwaybaby] FUCKING MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE FUCKING FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK

[alphagay] im sorry but he has a really big -

[broadwaybaby] CAN SOMEONE TELL ME THE FUCKING TRUTH?

[alphagay] im sorry but he has a really big - ->[trouty] i can confirm

[broadwaybaby] IM GOING TO FUCKING RAMPAGE ON EVERYBODYS HOME

[broadwaybaby is now offline]

[Puckasaurus] fuck, shes offline

[asiangoth] Is anyone else slightly concerned about her rampage?

[trouty] BLAINE, RACHEL IS COMING PLS CUDDLE ME

[asiangoth] Puck, why don't you get the guys to find and stop rachel before she murders Kurt

[alphagay] Its not my fault tho-

[asiangoth] Kurt your gonna be killed first, while Noah slept with you, she loves him

[asiangoth] fuck i wasn't supposed to say she loved him

[asiangoth] um

[asiangoth is now offline]

[alphagay] ITS ALWAYS KURTS FAULT


	5. Aliens and Weed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So- we got out of hand with this chapter  
> Like very out of hand  
> Probably the most chaotic one to date  
> Also the one that makes the least sense in terms of plot

[broadwaybaby] I'd like to thank Tina and Mike for bailing me out of jail, although I'm very upset that will remain on my permanent record.

[BowTies] What did you do?

[broadwaybaby] I wrecked Kurt's home, and Noah's home

[broadwaybaby] I'm aware it was irrational but I'm upset

[BowTies] Alright, as long as you didn't do anything to Sam

[broadwaybaby] Yea i stayed away from Sam's house.

[BowTies] Good

[asiangoth] Rach, even though I bailed you out of jail, I can't help but be slightly concerned

[broadwaybaby] I'm fine.

[broadwaybaby] I miss Noah

[broadwaybaby] I'm a wreck

[itsbrittanybitch] what the fuck rachel

[Rory_leprechaun] what the fuck did I miss-

[BowTies] Why is everyone swearing?

[Rory_leprechaun] why arent you

[broadwaybaby] So I got slightly arrested

[Rory_leprechaun] why arent you -> [BowTies] I just never really swear unless it involves Sam. For example, when someone was threatening him

[broadwaybaby] So I got slightly arrested -> [Rory_leprechaun] wdym SLIGHTLY

[broadwaybaby] I say slightly because Tina bailed me out of jail very fast,

[Rory_leprechaun] that still counts…

[broadwaybaby] Shut up im just a bit on edge

[Rory_leprechaun] K then-

[broadwaybaby] I miss Noahh

[Rory_leprechaun] why

[broadwaybaby] Because I love him

[Puckasaurus] I love you too rach

[broadwaybaby] *anime smiles*

[Rory_leprechaun] Chile anyways so…

[BowTies] Did Rachel forget that he's in this chat?

[Rory_leprechaun] I WAS ABT TO SAY THAT

[BowTies] I'm about to be very hypocritical, but Rachel is really oblivious

[broadwaybaby] Noah I'm coming over, and i'll bring some wanky items

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[asiangoth] Thats very hypocritical

[Puckasaurus is offline]

[asiangoth] Thats very hypocritical -> [BowTies] I literally started the sentence with that

[asiangoth] Exactly

[Rory_leprechaun] that doesnt make sense- are you high?

[asiangoth] We should try getting high sometime.

[Rory_leprechaun] I think I did get high once

[BowTies] I've gotten high before

[asianspy] I've been high

[asiangoth] I have an idea

[asiangoth] We should all get high together

[BowTies] I've gotten high before -> [trouty] BLAINE

[trouty is offline]

[asiangoth] Thats.. Concerning?

[BowTies] What- it was the Dalton students hanging out and stuff

[asiangoth] Why did Sam go offline>

[BowTies] I don't know and I'm scared to find out

[BowTies] Yeah, I'm gonna go hide

[asiangoth] Maybe we can have like a weed party before my wedding

[BowTies is offline]

[asiangoth] Guys is anyone else concerned about Rachel

[asiangoth] Shes been going crazy more often lately

[trouty is online]

[BowTies] If anyone needs me, I'll be hiding in my closet

[trouty] again?

[asiangoth] Maybe we can have like a weed party before my wedding -> [trouty] DONT DRAG BLAINE INTO ANY WEED STUFF

[BowTies] I'm terrified, please don't do anything

[asiangoth] Sam are you against weed?

[trouty] YES

[asiangoth] Why?

[BowTies] I'm terrified, please don't do anything -> [trouty] I would never do anything to u

[BowTies] You just kind of scared me there

[asiangoth] Blaine can you talk to your boyfriend about why he doesn't want you smoking weed?

[BowTies] You just kind of scared me there -> [trouty] As long as u dont do drugs u will be safe from me

[BowTies] I only got high once, I'm not planning on doing it again

[trouty] u better not be

[asiangoth] I'm curious

[broadwaybaby is online]

[broadwaybaby] Sex is fun but what did I miss

[trouty] didnt u and Puck break up?

[broadwaybaby] No, you see, I wrecked his house, and then we said we loved eachother, and then we had sex EVERYWHERE

[trouty] But he cheated on u, multiple times-

[BowTies] I stopped thinking about their relationship ages ago

[broadwaybaby] He didn't cheat on me

[broadwaybaby] Kurt made that up, remember when Kurt said he had lost all of his memory?

[alphagay] GURLLLL I HAVE A VIDEO OF HIM EATING THAT BUSSY UPPPPP

[broadwaybaby] *gives virtual death glare* Kurt made that up

[broadwaybaby] right kurt?

[alphagay] No-

[broadwaybaby has temporarily removed kurt from the conversation while she dms him to shut up]

[broadwaybaby has added kurt]

[trouty] Blaine?

[BowTies] Yes?

[trouty] Dont go near tina pls

[BowTies] Okay then-

[trouty] thnx

[asiangoth] Wtf Sam?

[trouty] Ur a bad influence

[asiangoth] How so? I've never smoked weed before and I'm curious

[asiangoth] Besides Sam, isn't there a tiny inch of you that wants to be free like they say

[trouty] no

[asiangoth] Are you sureee?

[trouty] yes, i am sure

[asiangoth] Mhm, mhm

[trouty] I hate drugs

[trouty] Bc my uncle broke his neck tap dancing once-

[trouty] While he was high ofc

[asiangoth] So thats what your concerned about, Blaine breaking his neck?

[itsbrittanybitch] lord tubbington broke his neck once

[BowTies] Aww, Sam, are you worried about me?

[trouty] He's broken his neck MANY TIMES, Im scared that he will get more hurt than that tho

[BowTies] Aww, Sam, are you worried about me? -> [trouty] Ofc bb

[asiangoth] How did a cat break his neck?

[Snixx] 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓴𝔂

[asiangoth] I can't even

[trouty] Very wanky actually

[asiangoth is offline]

[itsbrittanybitch] i have no clue

[BowTies] Extremely wanky

In the morning...

[broadwaybaby] Hello

[trouty] Hi Rachel

[broadwaybaby] Sam how was your morning.

[trouty] Well, I woke up next to Blaine so thats always nice

[broadwaybaby] Thats so lovely!

[trouty] Are u and Noah still-

[trouty] u know...

[itsbrittanybitch] i think he means fucking

[broadwaybaby] Yes

[broadwaybaby] Very much so

[trouty] oh ok

[trouty] well, Blaine is sleeping very adorable and i wouldnt like to miss cuddle time

[trouty is offline]

[broadwaybaby] I love LIFE

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[BowTies] Just woke up because Sam was hugging me too tight, I almost ran out of breath

[trouty] IM SO SORRY

[BowTies] It's fine Sammy, you didn't mean to

[broadwaybaby] You guys are sooo cute

[trouty] aww thanks rach, U and Noah are-

[trouty] A couple

[broadwaybaby] Finish that sentence

[broadwaybaby] No, we're an adorable couple, how dare you question my relationship.

[trouty] i wasnt

[trouty] BLAINEEEE PLS HELP

[BowTies] What is it?

[trouty] rachel thinks im being mean

[BowTies] How can I help you with that-

[trouty] Idk u always solve my problems

[broadwaybaby] Just don't. I don't question your relationship even when I think you guys are being sickeningly sweet.

[trouty] Idk u always solve my problems -> [BowTies] Aww, thank you

[trouty] I lo-

[trouty is offline]

[broadwaybaby] Is this the second I love you in the gc

[BowTies is offline]

[trouty is online]

[trouty] is blaine gone?

[BowTies] I'm in your arms at the moment, I'm not gone

[trouty] Oh hello Blaine, I didnt know u were part of this gc

[trouty] what a pleasant surprise

[asianspy] That makes no sense.

[trouty] SHUT UP MICHAEL IAMUEL

[asianspy] Sam are you okay?

[trouty] NO

[trouty is offline]

[asianspy] Blaine do you know whats going on?

[asianspy] Does anyone know whats going on?

[asianspy] God da-]

[asianspy is offline]

[BowTies] I don't know what's going on

[trouty is online]

[trouty] what did i miss

[trouty] did everyone die?!?!

[trouty] OH GOSH

[BowTies] I'm not dead

[trouty] I know, ur right next to me 

[BowTies] Well then-

[trouty] Im sorry Blaine

[trouty] I've just been a little off lately

[BowTies] Do you need more hugs to help?

[trouty] I dont know if that would help but a couple extra hugs never hurt anyone

[broadwaybaby] Guys we should have a movie night,

[itsbrittanybitch] ok

[trouty] what is... a movie night?

[broadwaybaby] Sam I'm coming over right now with my therapist.

[BowTies] Why are you bringing a therapist?

[broadwaybaby] I think theres something wrong with Sam,

[broadwaybaby] I'm very concerned.

[trouty] theres nothing wrong with me

[BowTies] There's nothing wrong with Sammy

[trouty] yeah, what the man in my bed said

[broadwaybaby] Can someone tell me I'm not the only one who thinks Sams acting weird

[trouty] weird?

[broadwaybaby] You asked me what a movie night was, I know for a fact you know what a movie night is.

[trouty] I dont BLAINEEEEE

[BowTies] Sammy, Rachel is right, are you okay?

[trouty] THIS GUY DOESNT BELIEVE IN ME EITHER

[BowTies] I will shower you with kisses until you know that I believe you

[trouty] aw, thanks but dont

[broadwaybaby] Sam, whats the guys name?

[BowTies] Okay, my Sam would never turn down kisses, what's wrong?

[trouty] his name is-

[trouty] BLAINEEEEE

[trouty] nothing, Im fine

[BowTies] If you say so

[broadwaybaby] You kept calling him this guy.

[broadwaybaby] I'm coming over

[trouty] Nooo

[trouty] Broadway, u cant come over because.....

[trouty] Me and Blaine were just about to touch

[broadwaybaby] Touch?

[broadwaybaby] Blaine don't you think this is weird?

[BowTies] I do, Sam, are you okay?

[trouty] yes, now lets touch

[BowTies] Sam, I can tell when something is wrong, what's wrong?

[trouty] NOTHING

[trouty] now, where is ur butt hole

[broadwaybaby] I think Sam is high even though he said he was against it

[trouty] NOTHING -> [BowTies] Can I just have some cuddles?

[trouty] NO

[trouty] WHERE IS UR HUMAN BUTTHOLE?

[BowTies kicked trouty from the chat]

[trouty has been added by anonymous]

[trouty] who kicked me out of the chat?

[trouty] BLAINEEEEE

[broadwaybaby] It's for your own good.

[broadwaybaby has removed trouty]

[trouty has been added by anonymous]

[trouty] STOP

[broadwaybaby] IM CONCERNED ABOUT YOU

[trouty] TAKING ME OUT OF A GC WONT HELP

[broadwaybaby] SAM WHAT IN THE WORLD IS WRONG WITH YOU

[trouty] NOTHINGGGGG

[BowTies] Can you guys stop typing in all caps? It looks way too much like yelling and I don't want you guys to yell at each other

[trouty] Im sorry

[Rory_Leprecaun] why is sam acting weird-

[broadwaybaby] I think somethines wrong with him

[trouty] IM FINE

[broadwaybaby] NO YOU'RE NOT

[broadwaybaby] Sorrry Blaine, No you're not*

[BowTies] Thank you Rachel

[trouty] how am i any different

[broadwaybaby] You've just been acting weird

[trouty] how

[BowTies] You asked what a movie night is when you've actually been with us on movie nights, you turned down hugs and kisses, typing unusually, and just a few other things here and there

[trouty] ok ig u got me

[trouty] im not sam

[BowTies] Who are you and why do you have his phone?

[trouty] I am a lesbian shapeshifting alien and ur still cuddling me

[broadwaybaby] I can't believe I'm saying this but, lesbian shapeshifting alien, how do we get Sam back?

[trouty] oh he's in the bathroom, I only came here to probe blaine and than leave

[BowTies] ...Does this count as cheating if I wasn't aware until after?

[trouty] No, cuz Im lesbian

[Rory_leprechaun] yeah and Im queen elizabeth the 2nd

[trouty] BOI who are u

[Rory_leprechaun] chile anyways so

[trouty] I literally am revealed to be an alien and u still try taking the focus from me

[Rory_leprechaun] ok??? your point?

[trouty] Idk, I just think the literal alien should have more attention

[Rory_leprechaun] no

[trouty] yes

[trouty] Anyway, I have successfully probed Blaine so ill be omw

[trouty] Bye!

[Rory_Leprechuan] bye ig

[trouty] did i miss something?

[broadwaybaby] Nothing at all.

[trouty] oh, ok

[trouty] Blaine, Im lost in the bathroom can u pls cum get me

[trouty] *come

[trouty] nvm i think i found the door, THANKS A LOT BAE


	6. Chaos. Just chaos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This one is almost as ridiculous as the last chapter. Murder? Heads being hurt by cupboards?

[MissPeroxide] is online

[MissPeroxide] hi everyone!!

[itsbrittanybitch] hi quinn

[MissPeroxide] hey britt!

[itsbrittanybitch] What are you doing?

[MissPeroxide] I was doing this girl from my english class

[MissPeroxide] but she just left

[itsbrittanybitch]Cool which one?

[MissPeroxide} Brittany, how do you know people from my college english class?

[itsbrittanybitch]My cousin goes to your school

[MissPeroxide] what's their name?

[itsbrittanybitch] her name is isabella pierce

[BowTies] Guess who just got the role of Hedwig in Hedwig And The Angry Inch?

[itsbrittanybitch]You did?

[BowTies] Guess who just got the role of Hedwig in Hedwig And The Angry Inch? -> [trouty] was it me?

[MissPeroxide] That's great Blaine!! And uh, Britt-

[itsbrittanybitch]You did? -> [BowTies] Yep!

[MissPeroxide] I had sex with Brittany's cousin

[itsbrittanybitch] god dammit did you sleep with my cousin

[itsbrittanybitch] okay

[BowTies] Yep! -> [trouty] oh it was you, YAY!!!

[trouty] Doesn't that mean you'll be away from me?

[BowTies] Yeah :(

[trouty] oh 

[trouty] I do love us but if ur happy than ig its fine

[BowTies] Are you okay with me doing this?

[trouty] yeah 

[trouty] Does anyone have ice cream they can give me?

[trouty] no one?

[trouty] ok

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies] Sorry about being way too late on the answer Sammy, but I have some ice cream, do you need some?

[trouty] Oh no, I kinda wanted a moment to process everything that was going on

[trouty] Sebastian brought me ice cream

[BowTies] Sebastian is still in town? Expected him to be off in Vegas or something

[trouty] Nah, he always shows up when i call

[trouty] he helped me think of something

[trouty] and i dont usually think

[trouty] Blaine, I am taking u on 50 dates in 1 night

[BowTies] 50 dates in 1 night? That's incredibly romantic, but how is that even possible?

[trouty] I am going to take u anywhere u want in one night given that it'll be our last

[BowTies] Our last?

[trouty] yeah bc ur leaving…

[BowTies] Sam, I'll be back after a while, you know that, right?

[trouty] yeah but we cant do long distance, can we?

[BowTies] I know that we'll be able to make it, I know that we won't treat each other like a previous relationship of mine I'm not going to directly call out

[alphagay] bitch im still in this gc

[BowTies] I know that we'll be able to make it, I know that we won't treat each other like a previous relationship of mine I'm not going to directly call out -> [trouty] wait, we're not breaking up?

[BowTies] No, why would you think that?

[trouty] because it would make sense-

[hottestwarbler] ur not breaking up?

[BowTies] When and how did Sebastian get in here

[trouty] I added him when the gc was made-

[trouty] Blaine, u do know sebastian is my bff right?

[BowTies] Sam, did you make this groupchat? Or did you just add him after

[trouty] I added him after

[trouty] he's my hacker friend that i've been talking about

[BowTies] Huh, that makes a lot of sense

[hottestwarbler] SO ARE U OR ARE YOU NOT BREAKING UP?

[trouty] no, why are you so invested?

[hottestwarbler] Idk sam ur kinda cute…

[trouty] SEBASTIAN

[BowTies] Sebastian, back off

[trouty] BLAINE IS THE LOVE OF MY LIFE AND IF U THINK U CAN BREAK US UP THAN I WILL PUNCH U IN THE NUTS

[BowTies] Sebastian, must I remind you: I am the Dalton Fight Club founder

[hottestwarbler] Sam, ur always punching me in the nuts i thought it was a thing-

[BowTies] Sebastian, must I remind you: I am the Dalton Fight Club founder -> [hottestwarbler] so was i

[hottestwarbler] Sam, ur always punching me in the nuts i thought it was a thing- -> [trouty] U THOUGHT THAT WAS A THING!?!?!?

[BowTies] You only took over, I started the damn thing, so if you think you can beat me, think again

[hottestwarbler] OKAY LETS HAVE AT IT

[BowTies] Where should we meet? Dalton grounds?

[trouty] why are u even gonna fight, we all know im staying with Blaine

[hottestwarbler] DALTON GROUNDS INDEED, behind the dumpster

[BowTies] What time? Maybe later in the day so you have less time to feel humiliated

[hottestwarbler] IM ALREADY HERE

[BowTies] When did you even have time to- nevermind, I'll be there in a bit

[hottestwarbler] BOLD OF U TO ASSUME THAT I DONT LIVE HERE

A few hours later...

[hottestwarbler] Sam, I just beat ur bf, do u like me now???

[trouty] WHAT??!?!?! BLAINE, U ACTUALLY WENT?

[BowTies] You thought that I wouldn't?

[trouty] YEAH, U HAD NO REASON TO GO

[BowTies] He just really pissed me off. I'm sorry Sam

[trouty] Where are you, Ill pick you up

[BowTies] I'm at the hospital

[trouty] WHAT??!?!??

[trouty] IS IT THAT BAD?!?!?!

[BowTies] Just a few broken ribs, it's not as bad as the last time I went to the hospital

[trouty] BLAINE DEVON WARBLER IM SOOOO ANGRY

[BowTies] I'm sorry Sam, I shouldn't've gone

[trouty] SEBASTIAN, ILL BE PAYING U A VISIT OMW TO THE HOSPITAL

[BowTies] Sam, don't try picking a fight with him

[trouty] IM GONNA BRAKE HIS RIBS

[itsbrittanybitch] I have bricks you can throw

[BowTies] Sam, please don't go fight him, it's my own fault

[trouty] No Britt, I wanna hurt him with my hands

[BowTies] Sam, please don't go fight him, it's my own fault -> [trouty] no, its not ur fault

[BowTies] I'm the one who challenged him in the first place, don't go fight him, he and the Warblers are going to hurt you

[trouty] I WANNA HURT THEM FOR WHAT THEY DID TO U

[trouty]THATS ALL IM FOCUSED ON RN

[hottestwarbler] YAY!!! Sam is here

[BowTies] Sebastian, don't you even fucking try to hurt him. Don't try to fuck him either

[hottestwarbler] too late

[BowTies] I'm getting out of this hospital bed right now

[BowTies is offline]

[trouty] Blaine im here at the hospital

[trouty] wya?

[trouty] Blaine?

[trouty] DID U DIE??

[Rory_Leprechaun] Wait Blaine died-

[trouty] I dont know

[trouty] I cant find him

[trouty] BLAINE ANSWER UR CALLS

[trouty] Im sure as hell seb has something to do with this

[hottestwarbler] Yup

[trouty] YOUR IN TROUBLE MR

[trouty] WHERES BLAINE?!!?!!?

[BowTies is online]

[BowTies] Can someone explain why I woke up in an abandoned alleyway?

[trouty] Blaine im cuming for you

[trouty] *coming

[BowTies] Sam, do you even know where I am?

[trouty] no, but i assume the alley by dalton

[BowTies] Yeah, but please hurry

[trouty] I AM

[BowTies] Oh god the smell of blood is worse than I remembered

[trouty] are u on ur period again?

[trouty] OH no right i forgot ur beat up

[BowTies] Sam, I can't get a period, you know this

[trouty] I see you, Ill go pick u up

[hottestwarbler] welp that was fun, I guess i ruined my chance with sammy

[Rory_Leprechaun] ummm why is the crusty musty warbler here

[Rory_Leprechaun] Didn’t he put rock salt in blaines eye....

[broadwaybaby] I just had the most amazing day!

[Rory_Leprechaun] ummm why is the crusty musty warbler here -> [trouty] where are you

[broadwaybaby] Thats concerning

[broadwaybaby] Anyways, I spent the entire day helping Tina plan her wedding, it was amazing, I had so much fun!!!

[broadwaybaby] I can't wait to plan me and Noah's wedding.

[trouty] RACHEL, NOT THE TIME

[broadwaybaby] Why whats going on?

[trouty] MY BF IS DYING

[Rory_Leprechaun] MHM

[broadwaybaby] What the fuck happened?

[trouty] He tried fighting seb after i told him not to

[broadwaybaby] Oh nO!

[BowTies] Sam, I'm not dying, I just have a few broken bones, I'll be fine

[broadwaybaby] Where is he, is he in a hospital? Is he okay? Is he getting care?

[BowTies] Sam, I'm not dying, I just have a few broken bones, I'll be fine -> [trouty] dont worry, Ill make him pay

[broadwaybaby] Where is he, is he in a hospital? Is he okay? Is he getting care? -> [trouty] yes

[broadwaybaby] Blaine you shouldn't of gone against Sebastian, have you seen that guy. He r o c k slushied you.

[Rory_Leprechaun] SEBASTIAN IS SO FUCKING MUSTY

[asiangoth] Rach I had so much fun, but Blaine, how did you do in the fight?

[asiangoth] How damaged is he?

[asiangoth] Rach I had so much fun, but Blaine, how did you do in the fight? -> [BowTies] Not great considering he brought the rest of the Warblers with him both times

[asiangoth] Maybe we can like beat him up or something.

[asiangoth] How damaged is he? -> [trouty]VERY

[asiangoth] Technically you can't hit a girl

[trouty] He will

[broadwaybaby] My daddies a lawyer, he can get us out of anything, although I'm definitely not fighting.

[trouty] NO ONE HAS TO DO ANYTHING

[trouty] I SAID ILL DEAL WITH IT MYSELF

[BowTies] Guys, it's fine. No one has to do anything

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies] Well I'm at the hospital now, so see ya guys

[asianspy] If he's doing something, I'll go with him. Sam is my bro.

[asianspy] See you Blaine

[BowTies is offline]

[trouty is online]

[broadwaybaby] I'll try to get you out of any possible charges.

[Puckasaurus] ^ what mike said

[trouty] NO ONE IS COMING TO HELP ME, ANYONE WHO SHOWS UP WILL GET BEAT UP BY ME

[broadwaybaby] Sam, you can't reject help, you're gonna get hurt.

[trouty] UNDERSTOOD, PUCK AND MIKE???

[BowTies is online]

[asianspy] For once I agree with Rachel

[BowTies] Sam, if you are going to do this, at least get some help

[BowTies] Just don't get yourself hurt

[broadwaybaby] Blaine, I'm sure me and Noah can visit you tomorrow.

[broadwaybaby] Right Noah

[trouty] IM NOT REPEATING MYSELF, U SHOW UP = U GET BEAT

[Puckasaurus] right

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies] What if I show up?

[Matt.R] o-o

[broadwaybaby] Blaine, don't leave the hospital. I'll show up, and go psycho on all of the warblers. I'm 99% sure Sam wouldn't hit me.

[asianspy] yo its my man matt

[BowTies] What if I show up? -> [trouty] U GET BEAT

[BowTies] :(

[Rory_Leprechaun what did I miss-

[trouty] SEBASTIAN, IM OMW

[broadwaybaby] Everyones going to help Sam beat up the warblers.

[hottestwarbler] ill be waiting 

[BowTies] Anyways, I've already left the hospital

[broadwaybaby] WHO INVITED SEBASTIAN HERE-

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies is offline]

[broadwaybaby] You guys are idiots.

[Rory_Leprechaun] Time to best up this crusty ass bitch

[Rory_Leprechaun has appeared offline]

[asiangoth] I'm coming too, and I'm bring Mike

[Puckasaurus] let's go motherfuckers

[asianspy] YEA

[asianspy] LETS DO THIS

[Puckasaurus is offline]

[asianspy is offline]

[broadwaybaby]I'll meet you guys there

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[Matt.R] I'm just going to go because I have nothing else to do

[asiangoth] Good for you Matt, I'll send you the place

[Matt.R is offline]

[asiangoth] I'm in a car with Mike, and he's driving, so I don't really wanna go dramatically offline

[broadwaybaby] Well that went horribly.

[broadwaybaby] I can't believe they hit a few girls.

[Puckasaurus] i can barely move my body and not in a good way

[trouty] I TOLD U ALL WOULD BEAT U

[broadwaybaby] Sam we were just trying to help, you would've been murdered if you were alone

[broadwaybaby] I mean we were almost murdered together.

[BowTies] I wasn't aware I could be in more pain than I already was at the Sadie Hawkins incident, but here I am

[Rory_Leprechaun] I saw y’all get beaten up and I ran like never before

[trouty] I TOOK ON THE WARBLERS AND ALL OF U SINGLEHANDEDLY

[asiangoth] Sam-

[asiangoth] What hospital floor are you guys on?

[Matt.R] I got lost on my way to the location

[trouty] Im fine, Im just waiting on Blaine to get better after i also beat him

[asiangoth] Sam, I'll call Santana and have her go all lima heights on your sorry ass.

[Rory_Leprechaun] I ran but Sam still caught up to me

[asiangoth] Sam's a fast runner

[BowTies] Guys, I need to get some rest so I can heal better. Goodnight.

[BowTies is offline]

[asianspy] I can't believe they hit my Tina-

[trouty] I hit her

[asianspy] Sam you're no longer invited to the wedding.

[asianspy] And i'll be joining Rachels robbery team

[trouty] I WAS TRYING TO AVENGE BLAINE AND TOLD U ALL TO STAY AWAY

[asianspy] YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS

[Rory_Leprechaun] he gave me some mercy tho

[asianspy] YOU DON'T HIT GIRLS -> [trouty] DOUBLE STANDARDS

[asianspy] Sam, I will hobble over to you, and still kick your ass

[Rory_Leprechaun] Sam was kinda hot catching up to me and letting me go after pushing me and thats it

[trouty] STFU RORY, IM RESERVED FOR BLAINE

[Rory_Leprechaun] I mean I just said what were all thinking, not gonna steal u from Blaine or anything

[broadwaybaby] Sam are you 100% sure that the lesbian aliens left yet?

[asianspy] Sam go to time out in the corner.

[trouty] Im sorry for beating u guys up, I know i only pushed Blaine to the side (technically not a beat up) but u guys were just trying to help and i was rude

[asianspy] Fine Sam, you can go to my wedding, but you need to stop hitting girls like my Tina :(

[trouty] thank you Mike

[asianspy] No problem, but also you're paying for Tina's medical bills.

[asianspy is offline]

[trouty] sure!

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies] Has anyone kicked Sebastian from the chat yet?

[hottestwarbler] Im here, u need me?

[BowTies has kicked hottestwarbler]

[trouty] BLAINE

[trouty] Ur making this sooo much more difficult babe

[BowTies] Sam, he literally beat us up, what did you expect me to do?

[Snixx] pls not Sebastian 

[BowTies] Sam, he literally beat us up, what did you expect me to do? -> [trouty] Just trust me plsss

[trouty added hottestwarbler]

[trouty] hey seb wanna hang out?

[hottestwarbler] sure, I knew u would come around

[trouty] wya?

[hottestwarbler] meet me at Dalton

[trouty] Ok, im gonna kick u out of this gc so that Blaine doesnt find out

[trouty has kicked hottestwarbler]

[trouty] Blaine, now we know where he is and we can catch him off guard

[trouty] what do u say b?

[MissPeroxide] you planning a riot? I wanna join

[trouty] NO

[trouty] ITS ONLY ME AND B

[broadwaybaby] Sam you're not going to beat him up again.

[trouty] I never got to in the first place

[broadwaybaby] You're an idiot, what would happen if I just called Sebastian and told him you were planning to beat him up..

[trouty] why would u do that?

[broadwaybaby] To stop you from doing something dumb.

[broadwaybaby] Everyone ended up in the hospital Sam, its not a good idea.

[trouty] everyone beside me, bc i have very brute force

[broadwaybaby] I'll call him.

[trouty] i thought u were my friend

[broadwaybaby] I am your friend, and I'm stopping you from doing something stupid?

[trouty] Its not stupid I promise ill be safe

[BowTies] Sam, don't do this

[broadwaybaby] Sam you'll get hurt.

[BowTies] Sam, don't do this -> [trouty] Im doing this for u B

[broadwaybaby] Sam you'll get hurt. -> [trouty] No i wontttttt

[BowTies] Please don't

[broadwaybaby] Sam its for your own good.

[trouty] FINEEEEEEE

[broadwaybaby] What are the odds you won't actually go?

[trouty] I wont, its fine

[trouty] u guys are mean

[trouty] Look what I found on my way to seb's: shows picture of him and dog BLAINE CAN WE PLS KEEP HIM??

[broadwaybaby] Did you say, on your way to Sebs?

[broadwaybaby] Thats it I'm going to call him.

[trouty] oops typo, i meant mom

[BowTies] Yes, we can keep him, he's absolutely adorable. Why are you on your way to Seb's?

[Rory_Leprechaun] thats cute

[trouty] it was a typo, i meany omw to moms

[trouty] *meant

[trouty] YAY I HAVE A NEW DOGGY!!!

[broadwaybaby] I called Sebastian, so Sam unless you want his gang to attack you I suggest you run.

[trouty] im at my moms-

[trouty] DID U SEND A GANG TO MY MOMS HOUSE!??!!

[broadwaybaby] You're not at your moms.

[trouty] I AM

[broadwaybaby] Doubt it.

[trouty] im at my moms, heres proof-: sends photo of him and his mom

[broadwaybaby] You should probably leave the house

[trouty] RACHEL UR SO EVIL

[trouty] Hey Blaine, I found this in my moms house and she said "take it, its not like you will ever be able to have one" and so now its mine: shows picture of him and baby

[trouty] do we keep it?

[BowTies] Sam, that's a baby, do you even know how to take care of one?

[trouty] No-

[broadwaybaby] You cannot keep that.

[trouty] but i took care of artie once so it shouldnt be that different

[broadwaybaby] Take it err back to your moms house.

[trouty] NO

[trouty] u cant tell me what to do, only blaine can

[trouty is offline]

Like a week later...

[trouty]: Guess who just got a new android: shows blurry photo of himself

[MissPeroxide] looking...... good Sam!.....

[trouty] thank you for being the only one that complimented me Q 

[broadwaybaby] Sorry I've sworn my loyalty to Noah, you look um.. nice

[MissPeroxide] @BowTies come and sort out Sam's camera please

[trouty] I dont think he likes me anymore : (

[broadwaybaby] What happened?

[trouty] I dont know, he hasn't texted me back in weeks

[trouty] it makes me sad

[broadwaybaby] Have you guys had sex any?

[trouty] not in a while

[broadwaybaby] Thats an awful sign.

[trouty] do you think he'll break up with me

[broadwaybaby] I mean not having sex is certainly not a good sign.

[MissPeroxide] nonononononono, Blam can't break up

[broadwaybaby] Maybe Blaine is just ignoring you for something you did.

[MissPeroxide] do you think you've done anything wrong, Sam?

[trouty] no?

[trouty] Last time we spoke i got a dog

[trouty] and i asked him if he was fine with it and he said yes

[broadwaybaby] Maybe it was about the baby?

[MissPeroxide] hm, I'll ask Blaine

[trouty] yes please

[broadwaybaby] Maybe it was about the baby? -> [trouty] i never took it

[BowTies] I'M FINALLY OUT OF THAT DAMN BASEMENT

[trouty] BLAINE?!?!?!?!

[MissPeroxide] wha-

[BowTies] WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TRY TO FIND ME??? I WAS MISSING

[trouty] I WENT BY UR HOUSE ABOUT 5 TIMES

[MissPeroxide] How would I know if you were missing from New Haven

[BowTies] Someone trapped me in their basement

[trouty] WHO

[broadwaybaby] Was it Kurt?

[MissPeroxide] lol Blaine got kidnapped

[BowTies] No, I was off at a bar since my head was killing me and someone kidnapped me

[trouty] WHO?!?!?

[MissPeroxide] lol Blaine got kidnapped -> [trouty] QUINN!?!!?!?!

[MissPeroxide] okay, I'm sorry. but was it scandals? because if it was then it probably was Kurt

[BowTies] Don't know. All I know is that I might be going to jail because I killed the,

[broadwaybaby] It was definitely Kurt

[BowTies] I meant them, not the,

[MissPeroxide] oh my god

[trouty is offline]

[MissPeroxide] YOU MURDERED THEM????

[broadwaybaby] KURTS DEAD?

[MissPeroxide] OH MY GOD OH MY GOD BLAINE YOU'RE A MURDERER

[BowTies] THEY KIDNAPPED ME, WHAT ELSE WAS I SUPPOSED TO DO?

[MissPeroxide] MAYBE JUST KNOCK HIM OUT???

[broadwaybaby] DID YOU CALL THE POLICE?

[BowTies] GUYS, THE COPS ARE ON MY TAIL, I GOT TO GO

[MissPeroxide] BLAINE HOLY SHIT

[BowTies is offline]

[trouty] Idk how to call so the cops gave me one last message

[MissPeroxide] WHA-

[trouty] I framed myself so that Blaine can be free

[MissPeroxide] NONONONONONO SAM

[broadwaybaby] SAM ARE YOU AN IDIOT?

[trouty is offline]

[BowTies] RACHEL, DON'T CALL HIM THAT

[broadwaybaby] IM GONNA GO CALL MY DADDIE THE LAWYER

[BowTies] IF YOU CALL HIM AN IDIOT ONE MORE TIME, YOU'RE NEXT

[BowTies] I'M GOING TO FIND SAM

[broadwaybaby] BLAINE

[MissPeroxide] BLAINE THAT'S NOT EVEN FUNNY

[BowTies] I'm very serious

[broadwaybaby] DONT EVEN THINK ABOUT MESSING WITH ME, WHEN YOU'RE A GODDAMN MURDERER

[BowTies is offline]

[MissPeroxide] holy shit holy shit

[broadwaybaby] They're insane I swear

[MissPeroxide] suddenly I feel greatful I'm in New Haven and you're all in Lima

[trouty] Apparently i can have my phone in jail

[MissPeroxide] oh my god Sam what did you do

[broadwaybaby] I'm bailing him out of jail with my broadway money, I'll explain the whole situation.

[broadwaybaby is offline]

[trouty] I told the cops that i was the murderer so that they wouldnt take Blaine

[MissPeroxide] I think I'm having a panic attack

[MissPeroxide] I KNOW WHAT YOU DID I WAS EXPRESSING MY PANIC

[MissPeroxide] holy shit holy shit holy shit

[asiangoth] holy shit

[MissPeroxide] tina you read the past messages right

[asiangoth] yes

[MissPeroxide] I'm freaking out

[asiangoth] We're friends with a murderer.

[MissPeroxide] I don't feel comfortable around Blaine anymore

[trouty] i just got beat up 

[MissPeroxide] has removed [BowTies]

[trouty] WHY DID U DO THAT

[MissPeroxide] HE'S A MURDERER. HE'S SICK IN THE HEAD

[broadwaybaby is online]

[broadwaybaby] Sam I'm getting you out of jail

[MissPeroxide] HE MAKES ME FEEL UNSAFE

[trouty] DONT TALK ABOUT BLAINE LIKE THAT

[broadwaybaby] Also Blaine is concerning me

[trouty] has removed [MissPeroxide]

[broadwaybaby has added MissPeroxide]

[broadwaybaby has added BowTies]

[BowTies] Can I point out the fact that I HAVE BEEN IN A HOSPITAL AND I CAN'T REALLY KILL SOMEONE IN A HOSPITAL BED

[trouty] has removed [broadwaybaby] [MissPeroxide]

[asiangoth has removed trouty]

[BowTies has added broadwaybaby, trouty and MissPeroxide]

[trouty] BLAINE UR BACK!?!?!?

[MissPeroxide] has removed [BowTies] [trouty]

[asiangoth] Removing people isn't going to help

[MissPeroxide] DO NOT ADD THEM BACK

[MissPeroxide] THEY ARE CRIMINALS

[MissPeroxide] BLAINE KILLED SOMEONE

[MissPeroxide] REMOVING THEM MAKES ME FEEL SAFER

[asianspy] Wait Blaine didn't kill anyone

[MissPeroxide] HE LITERALLY SAID HE DID-[MissPeroxide] WHAT-

[broadwaybaby] Sam you're getting out of jail.

[MissPeroxide] I removed Sam

[broadwaybaby] Damnit

[broadwaybaby has added trouty]

[MissPeroxide] mike what do you mean

[broadwaybaby] Sam I got you out of jail.

[asianspy] Scroll up, he said it was a joke.

[ThunderBolton69] Hello Morons, I am the murderer!

[MissPeroxide] WHAT-

[broadwaybaby] Sam I got you out of jail. -> [trouty] no, im still here

[broadwaybaby] SUE!??!?!??!?!?!?!?

[MissPeroxide] so Blaine didn't kill anyone

[broadwaybaby] Yea they're getting you right now

[trouty] thank you rachel

[MissPeroxide] has added [BowTies]

[MissPeroxide] time for you to explain

[broadwaybaby] No problem Sam.

[MissPeroxide] you two, sue

[BowTies] Sue threatened to kill Sam if I didn't say I killed someone

[broadwaybaby] Thats so sweet

[MissPeroxide] so it was all a joke

[broadwaybaby] Isn't anyone concerned about the safety of Blaine and Sam now though?

[BowTies] i was actually about to go to jail

[broadwaybaby] Oh so Sue kidnapped you

[trouty] U shouldve just let her kill me -> [BowTies] No, I would never let her do that to you

[trouty] aw thanks

[broadwaybaby] I'm gonna go text Noah about whats going on, I don't think he's seen the chat

[BowTies] No, I would never let her do that to you -> [trouty] so you still like me?

[BowTies] Yes

[trouty] awww, thats good bc i actually did take the baby sooooo

[trouty is offline]

[ThunderBolton69] You see lazy idiots, whilst you've been in your backsides singing songs and having what I can only imagine to be a slobbery excuse for sex, I murdered lots of people. Whilst I'm not entirely sure   
which person is the victim in question, you have no evidence to prove that I actually murdered anyone. I framed Bow Ties McDimple Gel so that you would all have something to argue about. Now whilst all of this has been going on ,I hired an expert team of hackers and now all of your credit scores gave been ruined and I have access to all of your bank accounts. So both you and your sexually ambiguous genitals don't have any money. I'm going to use this money to pay for an incredibly expensive wedding with myslef which you will all be invited to to jealously watch knowing that no-one would ever love someone with so much gel in their hair that flames are a hazard, a nose bigger than mars itself, and a Kentucky fried stripper

[MissPeroxide] I had a fucking panic attack over all this bullshit

[MissPeroxide] has left the chat

[broadwaybaby has added MissPeroxide]

[broadwaybaby] Not my money!!!

[broadwaybaby] Sue you actually went through with all of this?

[ThunderBolton69] You barely had Any money Berry, so don't start complaining. I thought gay people were all successful overachievers but clearly your two gay dads weren't skilled enough to make anything, they   
couldn't even Make a decent child

[BowTies has left the chat]

[broadwaybaby] I'm special!

[broadwaybaby has added BowTies]

[ThunderBolton69] Now If you'll excuse me I have wedding Planning to do

[trouty] I cant stop crying now 

[ThunderBolton69] has left the chat

[broadwaybaby] We need to run or hide somewhere

[MissPeroxide] is offline

[trouty] SUE CAN KILL ME

[broadwaybaby] Sam don't say that, do you know how crushed Blaine would be.

[trouty] this is all too much

[ThunderBolton69] has hacked into the system and added [ThunderBolton69]

[broadwaybaby] Oh lordie.

[trouty] SUE CAN KILL ME -> [ThunderBolton69] Just You wait 

[trouty] I cant 

[BowTies] I JUST FUCKING HIT MY HEAD ON A FUCKING CABINET DOOR


End file.
